Long and ridiculously self-centered. Just warning y'all.

I sometimes wonder if I have ADD.

No, seriously.

I did amazing in school, 4.x GPA, Salutatorian, never had to study for too long to achieve this. I like to think I'm pretty smart. And yet, I struggle mentally.

I have difficulty with cleaning. I don't know how many times my dad's yelled at me for letting the dishes go too long; I can never, ever keep my room clean (thankfully no one else cares). I lose everything. My mind never ever shuts off. Commitment is difficult for me. I procrastinate. I can be really impatient. I'm very restless. I went through this checklist and I realized that so many items I would rank as happening often or really often. I've been mostly this way for a long time, but it hasn't really affected me seriously until recently.

In school, I think I did well because there were deadlines and rules and structure. Right now I have so little structure and it's screwing me up big time. The search for a job can be extremely confusing for me. It's been about 6-7 months and I still haven't found a job. Some adults try to tell me, "Oh, you're just not looking hard enough" to which I want to reply with a loud "Fuck You!" Of course, I don't. Even though poor impulse control is an ADD symptom, I have amazing control in that area. I can be too meek, in fact. But that's another story for another day.

In recent times I've been struggling with vitamin deficiency (at least--there may be more but I don't know), which has made everything 10000x worse. I wonder how much of my issues is vitamin problems though. Or whatever the hell else is going on. Did I mention my health is somewhat poor at the moment?

I haven't gotten professionally evaluated though. I don't have any money. I have no idea how to go about getting evaluated anyway. And if I did, I'd want to deal with my other health problems first. Which would take lots of money I don't have (especially for testing, which I know I'd need and would cost $$$$$$). And my parents won't even believe me regarding my physical issues, so there's no way they'd believe me with a mental issue. Especially my dad. He's the sort who thinks depression can be cured with sunshine.

If I did have ADD, I could at least have some validation that I'm not just lazy. Small comfort though.