I want to be able to:

• Wear what I want without worrying about standing out too much.
• Stop feeling bad about not being in college yet when people ask me for the 30th time whether I'm in there or not. Also to be able to say "It's my life; not yours" should they deem this a bad choice.
  
• Tell people that what they're saying is wrong or offensive when they make any kind of sexist/racist/homophobic/fatphobic/etc. statements.
• Start up a conversation with someone without feeling 6999999990 levels of awkward. If I can get that number down to, like, 7000, I can live with that.
  
• Tell a guy who's making me feel awkward that he's making me feel awkward and not be scared to do so
• Come to think of it, to be able to use the "It's my life; not yours" for any situation effortlessly
• Not care or shrug it off if people do judge me, or say, I start up a conversation with someone and they're obviously not interested and just apologize and be on my way
• Not beat myself up so much for every mistake
• Really and truly love myself as I am, yes, even in my current painfully- shy-preternaturally self-conscious incarnation
• Tell people if I'm feeling like shit because I'm on my period
• Flick someone off who deserves it
• Post what's on my mind without that little voice in my head telling me it's not good enough
  

I've made a little progress in some areas. I swear a little bit at work and around friends and occasionally family and am getting a little less self-conscious about that. I'm so done with seeing "bad words" as actually bad. :P I've also argued against my dad regarding health care and some of his other bullshit Fox News propaganda. But I care too much about people judging me or saying the wrong thing or making a bad argument and I just want to be able to say, "FUCK THAT SHIT" and be done with it. It's a gradual, painful process, unfortunately. :( I'd like to think that I'll eventually be that super confident free-spirit girl woman--one day.

I don't know. Um, I like my body well enough. I think I'm beautiful. I know I'm smart. So I've got some self-love going for me, eh? But I just wish I could stop feeling so damn awkward all the time.