Rockstar Nailbomb!

Neglection

2011-11-10T21:15:00.002-05:00

I swear to the Flying Spaghetti Monster this is not another "Oh, I need to update" type of post. Not quite. xD

So, when it comes to Internet things, I am always late to hop on the bandwagon. I joined Xanga 6 months after my friends. Myspace took me a year. Facebook even longer. Then Twitter. And now... tumblr! My posts as of late have been really Tumblr-like anyway. But I submitted to that We Are the 99% tumblr, and now I may as well actually make use of the damn thing.

Odds are this blog will be neglected totally. Tumblr has a better dashboard too 'n' stuff.

Wait, what's that? You want the URL? Right! http://rockstarnailbomb.tumblr.com/. Please excuse the cheesy layout. I'll make something cool for it.

It's The End of the World as We Know it (and my brain is almost fried)

2011-10-13T13:49:00.001-04:00

I've been reading blogs like Racialicious, and other people who have been making criticisms--LEGITIMATE criticisms--of the Occupy Wall St. protests. One of the biggest is how white the protests are. I read this post by Nudemuse. It sucks that this movement really only came into existence now that a lot of middle class or formerly middle class white people are feeling the pain. Jessica Yee at Racialicious made the point that making this about "taking our country back" is hypocritical because the country was stolen.

But I have my moments of idealism. I want to think that it's possible to make this a movement that truly gets at the root of the problem. I want a world where no one succeeds at the expense of others. I want a world where we all can easily have a life that doesn't totally suck. Part of wanting this is merely desire for survival. Having a small elite while everyone else suffers WILL lead to extinction of humanity. Martin Luther King, Jr. put it well: "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." You can't have a movement that throws people under the bus and expect it not to lead to something horrific. The slope is always slippery in these things.

This country was founded on theft and slavery, and it will take a radical solution to make it a country that actually doesn't suck. The problems that are now affecting large numbers of white (formerly?) middle-class people have been going on for poorer white people, non-white people, Indigenous people, and so on since the beginning. All of the poorest countries have a history of being conquered (to put it euphemistically) by other nations. We have to address this stuff if we want to survive, to thrive, if we really want to get anywhere. We have to come together without excluding people, privileging certain voices, etc. We have to listen, really listen, to everyone, and be willing to admit we're wrong when we're wrong. We have to pursue true justice and fairness.

I do think OWS is important. We do need to step up to those with the most power, and say "Enough is enough." Unfortunately, here in the U.S. it's primarily white (formerly?) middle-class people who are most likely to be listened to, to be agreed with. And that's stupid, because many of these people are least equipped to deal with the root problems, and have the least personal knowledge of these problems.

I'm not 100% sure what I'm trying to say here. I think a lot about this lately, and I'm trying to learn. I do know that until we get at the root of the problem no real, lasting change will happen, and humanity will go extinct. Of course, how do we get at the root? It's nothing that can happen quickly, but that's all I really know. But I hope humanity can evolve into something that's actually civilized before it's too late.

I'm In

2011-10-08T17:37:00.002-04:00

I wanted to inform my father that I would be attending one of the offshoot protests of Occupy Wall Street. "Whatever." He said. He's not in total agreement, and I've learned not to talk politics with him. My sanity is too important.

One of the reasons I want to attend this protest is a selfish one: I do believe this is something that's going to get big and be an Important Event in History. When I'm 50, I want to be able to tell my 23-year-old coworker I was a part of this! I want to help make history.

This is about my future. I want a future. This protest gives me a little bit of hope and, yes, patriotism. And look, these folks are actually angry at the right people!

Occupy Wall Street

2011-10-03T17:25:00.003-04:00

Have you heard about it? http://occupywallst.org/.

I've long realized that something has got to give in this country. The sheer amount of capitulation to big corporations while most of us get poorer and poorer that's going on in this country is horrific. Americans are overworked, underpaid, miserable, struggling. Our democracy is a farce at this point. Obama turned "Hope and Change" into a motherfucking punchline.

But this protest, well, it's a sign. Something has to give, and something will. It's a matter of when, not if.

It gives me hope. People are fed up with the shitty excuse for a country the U.S. has become. But it's not just the U.S. though! No, all over the world people are tired of those with the most constantly screwing over those with the least. Maybe humanity will realize soon that the pursuit of power leads to nothing but evil.

Something big is happening. Something very, very big.

Oh! Before I end this post, a few more links related to this protest (which, with some clicking, leads to more info, etc.):

Really, Dad??? Revisited

2011-09-29T23:54:00.002-04:00

So I posted this entry some time ago.

Then I read the comments on this site about that case.

My dad's not the only one making this STUPID line of reasoning? What exactly is so unreasonable about expecting your coffee not to cause third degree burns?

PON PON WAY WAY WAY

2011-09-28T15:54:00.000-04:00

I can't stop watching! o.O

Organizing My Music

2011-07-16T22:33:00.008-04:00

The following post is some serious nerdery. It might be beneficial to someone, or maybe will just bore everyone who reads it. But I for one am fascinated by this kind of stuff, and I can't be the only one, right?

I spent a good part of today revamping my music organization scheme, adding album art to EVERY track, making sure all files had the proper info. I needed to do this, but it wasn't super painful. I have less than 1000 tracks in my collection (but not for long!), and I already had an organization scheme in place (it just needed a little refinement).

Coming up with a truly good organization scheme can be a really complicated affair and very variable depending on the person. I hate too many folders, too much nesting of folders, long-ass filenames, and folders with only like 2 files in it. The Artist > Album > ## Trackname.mp3 for every file doesn't work so well for me because my ADD approach to music means LOADS AND LOADS of singles and half albums.

My scheme involves letter folders for the singles and few songs (combining letters if there's too few files in one folder, or splitting if there's too many). Then artists with several songs get their own folder. Then full albums (or close to it--I have few albums I like every song off of) get their own folder (listed by year) in the artist folder. A single album from a single artist will have that album listed in the main folder. I also have a separate test folder. A sample:

MAIN FOLDER FOR MUSIC ([ ] = folder; * = file)

[2NE1]
- *Fire.mp3*
- *Can't Nobody.mp3*
[A]
- *Adele - Rolling in the Deep*
- *After School - Bang!*
[AFI]
- [2003 - Sing the Sorrow]
  - *03. Bleed Black*
- *Hanging Garden.mp3*
[Beatrice Antolini]
- [2006 - Big Saloon]
  - *01. Bread and Puppets*
[Hallucinogen - Twisted (1995)]
- *01. LSD.mp3*
[W - Z]
- *Wonder Girls - Tell Me.mp3*
- *Yahel - Voyage*

This is currently the most workable organization scheme for my particular collection (and dislike for tons of clicking and also long-ass file names). It's also important I have it in place before I try to get the tags right. As my collection grows, this scheme may need even more refinement (and possibly... *shudder* deeper nesting of folders), but it's good now.

But the tagging part was actually kind of fun. I used mp3tag for the actual tagging part, and relied mostly on Discogs for the information. I put the files in the mp3tag program folder by folder, and it only took me a few hours. My collection is now properly tagged (there are a couple of exceptions), and everything has album art and so on. It's a beautiful thing. It really is.

On Banishing the Bread for the Right ("Right") Reasons

2011-06-08T19:50:00.016-04:00

I read this post at Feministe, and it bugged me.

The post in question is specifically expressing concern about women who use "gluten-free" as a cover for an eating disorder. Jill also feels that the media should acknowledge this possibility. Why single out gluten-free though? And is this a real trend? I'm pretty sure that people actually having issues with gluten is much, much more common than people using it as a cover for not eating. I want some statistics or studies on this. Or hell, actual stories about people (more than one is best) doing this. There are plenty of statistics on Celiac disease (and any statistics on the "merely" gluten-intolerant are qualified with some kind of, "some research suggests that some people have non-Celiac gluten sensitivity.")

Also, more people are being diagnosed with Celiac, and you must be gluten-free for LIFE. That makes for something that is here to stay for a loooong time, beyond a fad (and, as a result, an acceptable reason to restrict food). OK, OK, so right now we're just really getting started on honest-to-dog awareness of potential ills caused by gluten. So there will be fewer news stories in the future (far future?) relating to this, maybe. And, ok there's folks out there embracing this as the newest weight loss scheme (or worse, cover for eating disorder); and then they won't keep going with it because they don't lose weight.

But still. People dieting to lose weight in some capacity don't just do gluten-free (carb and calorie counting and denying food one finds pleasurable are still plenty in vogue). And I've encountered more people thinking *I'm* a fad dieter (only 1 or 2 people, admittedly) than actual GF fad-dieters.

Also, I'd like to note that scores of news reports discuss the fact that GF is a treatment for Celiac disease. And point out that it's a medical condition. Click here for some of them. It's more unusual for me to encounter an article that's just like, "Gluten-free wooooo" without some explanation. I don't see why pointing out the medical reason isn't sufficient, honestly.

On top of ALL that, it's still a major pain in the ass to get an official diagnosis (so some of us just give up on that *grin*). There's still waaaaay too many damn people not taking the condition seriously. Even "mere" gluten-intolerance can cause horrible sickness. So you have to be really careful of that.

Oh, and before I finish, I want to acknowledge a distinction between garden-variety fad-dieters and the eating-disordered. I kind of discuss them both back and forth randomly. Yes, that 'gluten-intolerant' person might actually be anorexic, and that's horrible. But it's a disservice to bring that up in most articles on gluten-free-ness. Discussing that is better suited to an article specifically about eating disorders and ways someone may try to hide it, and maybe even more specifically in the context of helping someone you love who you may think has an ED. Otherwise, what's the point of bringing it up? Unless you think there are more people using GF as a cover for an ED than to not feel like shit all the time... in which case PROOF PLEASE.

As for garden-variety fad dieters, leave the complaining to the pros, that is, those of us who HAVE to be gluten-free or face some sort of ill health. I can complain about the fool who thinks it's OK to have a salad with croutons in it occasionally and that's acceptably gluten-free. I can complain about people who think this is some nebulous Good Girl Healthy Eating. I know what I'm talking about. I can also properly explain why these people are bad beyond that they're annoying. All y'all non-gluten-problem-people typically can't. Sorry.

Politcal Correctness Wins Again!

2011-05-25T18:36:00.002-04:00

A manager likes to do trivia for the customers. When he asked the question, "Name two females on U.S. currency." I told him afterwards, simply, "You're not supposed to use 'females' as a noun when referring to humans." He was like, "Oh! OK."

A month or two later, he asked the question: "Name two women on U.S. currency."

P.S. Comment with the answer and I will give you a cute puppy graphic! xD

THE WORST MUSIC IN THE WHOLE WORLD

2011-05-10T04:05:00.002-04:00

Obligatory disclaimer time! I'm not hating on the fans, just the music, not here to tell people they have bad taste in music I'm just ranting blah blah blah.

Sometimes at work they play what I think would be called "Adult Contemporary" music. This music is painful to the ears and wearying to the soul. It's the worst of mostly white musicians, mostly male. And when white (mostly male) people make shitty music, they make it REALLY shitty, apparently. My friends may subject me to the worst of rap and pop, but it's not nearly as horrible as this flaccid, crappy "music." So I'm going to now subject you to some of these awful tracks, some that have mainstream success, some who don't (awww, darn!).

WARNING: Some of these links are music videos. Possible douchebaggery ahead. All links carry a risk of yeast infection (except for the Heartless Bitches link). Proceed with caution.

Collective Soul - You.
Thriving Ivory - Angels on the Moon. Does anyone find this guy's voice pleasing to the ears?
Parachute - She Is Love.
Kris Allen - Live Like We're Dying. This one's more bad in the lyrics than music.
Daniel Powter - Bad Day. I hated this song since it first came out. That melody is hella irritating
Train -Soul sister; Drops of Jupiter. Train never should have been making music in the first place. 10 years between these two but they both became inexplicably popular. UGH.
Sara Bareilles - Uncharted. Earworm from hell.
Taylor Swift - Mine; Back to December; You Belong with Me. They play every Taylor Swift song in existence, but these three are her most irritating. That last one is the female equivalent of the Nice Guy® (definition of Nice Guy® at Heartless Bitches).
Five for Fighting - Superman; 100 years; Chances; Slice. What is UP with this weird ass obnoxious style of singing? SO many guys do this, and it sounds completely horrible!
Maroon 5 - Misery; She Will Be Loved; Won't Go Home Without You. No, seriously, what's with the weird ass singing?
James Blunt - You're Beautiful; High; 1973; Stay the Night. I'M NOT KIDDING PLEASE STOP DOING THAT WITH YOUR VOICE.
David Gray - A Moment Changes Everything. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon SHUT THE FUCK UP.
The Averett Brothers - Kick Drum Heart.

OK I'm done now. I just want to make my supreme disdain for this music known. I completely hate it. Thankfully they sometimes play oldies music. While a large percentage of these songs are completely stupid, there's actually some FUN songs in there (!!!), and the stupid songs are bearable (just don't listen too closely to the lyrics for some of 'em...).

On Cooking

2011-05-04T15:44:00.003-04:00

I don't super love cooking, but I'm not adamantly against it. But it's frequently that I'm hungry and there's nothing readily available and I don't even want to do so much as throw something in the microwave. This is when I end up eating a bunch of potato chips and candy, and it sucks. I've realized some roadblocks to me doing much cooking:

The biggest one is just living with other people, and I need to be selfish and isolated right now. xD

For some reason I just feel really awkward working in the kitchen when my parents are in the living room next to it. I guess it's because I want to experiment, and I do that best in total isolation. Well, I think it's just wanting to be totally alone in general sometimes, and sometimes that coincides with when I'm hungry.
The kitchen has clutter that isn't mine and poor utilization of space and I have what's not really claustrophobia, more like claustro-intolerance.
Sharing utensils and shelfspace and stuff is awkward and I have a hard time keeping track of what's mine.
I basically live in my bedroom. The kitchen is far from my bedroom. Lol.

There are things about cooking itself I don't like.

Precooking, or any multi-step cooking. I abhor having to cook one thing to make another. It irritates me.
Cooking every day.
DOING DISHES. And I don't have a dishwasher. IT SUCKS ASS.
Having to make food for other people. xP

One thing I think I can do is create a dorm-like thing:

Buy a mini-fridge for my room. I found out they don't necessarily use much power.
Take one of our two Crockpots and put it in my room. I can make a space on the floor or something for it.
Use the little table in my room for preparing food. I have my own cutting board due to me needing to be gluten-free.
Buy myself some things like a food processor, toaster oven, maybe even a George Foreman grill and use/store those things in my room.
Use the shelf in my closet for non-refrigerated food and pans and such.

I don't know why it's so awkward for me to cook when my parents are around (which they always are until like 10-11 at night), but it is and that's by far the biggest thing preventing me from wanting to cook. I need to be by myself, to experiment in isolation, to deal with MY mess and ONLY MY mess.

ETA: Maude bless the Internets for proving, once again, that I am never alone: http://www.wikihow.com/Live-in-Your-Bedroom

Religion and Peer Pressure

2011-05-01T16:23:00.000-04:00

This post at Pandagon is very interesting to me.

....It's clear people believe in their god mainly because people around them do, and bucking the common sentiment requires paying a social price most people aren't willing to pay. If it was a free choice, then the faith people have wouldn't correlate so strongly with geography, family of origin, or peer group...A lot of people are natural conformists, but even people who aren’t inclined to go with the flow often choose to go with it because the consequences are so high.

I think a lot about the fact that I only really started to question god's existence after I graduated Christian school, and the fact that my friends with more religiously-involved parents may question things, but are still very much Christians. If my family was more church-going, would I have been so quick to embrace atheism? Maybe not.

It doesn't mean that when I believed, it wasn't in earnest. I really and truly believed the Bible was the inspired Word of God and all that jazz. The thought that "Well I know God exists" was one I thought several times. But once the influence to believe was basically gone, it became a hell of a lot easier to go beyond questioning my Christian school's "culture war" stances (abortion, premarital sex, homosexuality, etc.). I could question hell. And then I questioned the inspiration of the bible. And then I questioned the existence of god.

It fascinates the hell out of me just how susceptible I was to the influences of my environment. It fascinates me that I'd be less likely to be atheist had I not been reading fantastic, life-changing writing by atheists. I'd long ditched any illusion that I'm a true noncomformist above the influence of society or whatever, but this really illustrates it. We all are a lot more subject to our environment then we want to admit. Now that doesn't mean I can be easily swayed. I do my best to adopt a worldview that's rational and truthful and reality-based--however, I'm in an environment where I could nurture my freethinking-ness. But I own up to my influences and biases. I wish we all could.

This Thing Needs a Redesign. Badly.

2011-04-24T13:38:00.004-04:00

And I'm still thinking about paid hosting. I looove Wordpress. But I like the thing you install yourself. And the layout made yourself. And self-made smilies! :D :) ;) I like controoool.

I've been very very busy lately, hence the lack of updates. I'm working on it. And my twitter thing is dead as all get out. If your self-worth is determined by how many followers you have, I am 5000% worthless. xD I found out I have to possibly pay a few dollars more per month for things like tweeting from my phone and whatnot (I use MetroPCS; no signing your life away!); it might be worth the extra cost. I don't know. It may encourage me to post more if I can do it outside my home?

ANYWAY. I'm thinking about a design involving skulls and dark colors. Every layout I've ever made is rather cutesy--but I LIKE cutesy, so it works. But once in a while my non-cutesy side should shine through, right?

I know this isn't 2005, where personal blogs that got a redesign every month reigned the tubes, but still. :P

In other news, I'm working on a lovely vexel of Emilie Autumn. That link will take you to the picture I'm working on. Also, an amazing interview. I love her. I'm glad I got to see her live. <3

Really, Dad??

2011-03-21T19:22:00.002-04:00

I didn't correct someone who brought up the lady suing McDonald's over hot coffee as an example of a frivolous lawsuit. Here's the real story. The woman got THIRD-DEGREE BURNS FROM THAT SHIT. Yeah, not so frivolous.

I expressed regret over not correcting the misinformation to my dad, who insisted the lawsuit was still frivolous because she was stupid to spill the coffee on her lap. WHAT? Ughhhhh.

Public Service Announcement

2011-03-06T21:15:00.004-05:00

OTHER PEOPLE'S BODIES AND EATING HABITS ARE NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS YOU MOUTH-BREATHING TROGLODYTES.

There are VERY FEW contexts where it is OK to make comments on someone's body, whether it be their weight, height, etc.

For real though, what is it that people aren't getting? I learned from a verrrry early age that these kinds of comments were irritating and innapropriate as fuck. Maybe that's it. They actually want to be irritating...

Foooooood

2011-03-02T17:00:00.007-05:00

My mission is to not necessarily be vegetarian, but rather veggie-centric. And as "whole foods" as possible. In other words, a diet that is loaaads of veggies, a decent amount of meat, fruits, and throw in beans and rice and things of that nature in there for good measure. Things I want to get rid of from my diet besides gluten: Dairy, soy, corn. None of these make me feel all that great. Things I want to eat a lot less of: Grains, starchy veggies, sugary stuff, anything that can exacerbate blood sugar issues. And I think I might have a nut allergy. I've never felt good eating stuff with nuts in it (or nut products). That's OK. I don't like nuts that much anyway.

There's one little itty bitty teensy weensy small issue with this: It's far from my typical diet. I'm an American. I eat like one! (This story is relevant.) Needless to say, this is not something I'm going to adopt overnight. Gluten-free is not bad, despite my previous reliance on frozen dinners. The biggest gluten offenders are foods I hate. But soy free? Corn free? Dairy free? Less blood-sugar-screwing-up-stuff? While not having the most cooking know how? Now THAT is difficult! But I can see that food is the cure for what ails me; I may as well go all the way with it!

It has to be a gradual process though. But I'd like to document some progress I've made:

Veggies I'd never heard of before and have tried included kale (not bad, but something I'd want in a wrap, etc. rather than by itself; I made kale chips for instance, and they aren't destined to be a favorite) and escarole (YUCK). I had bok choy outside a Chinese takeout context (it's wonderful in the slow cooker with some stew meat [BUT DON'T BE DUMB LIKE ME AND OVERCOOK IT :P]!). I eat more snow peas. I found out I really like spinach leaves in my salad, and that purple red non-curly leaf stuff is called radicchio and that's good stuff. I eat more berries (well, when they're in season, which some aren't anymore :( ) My town has a co-op (YAYYYYYYYYY I'm a lucky kid) and I've joined.

Despite my occasional self-pity, I AM getting better. For instance, taking B vitamins INSTANTLY lifts my mood and gives me a little energy boost! That's never been the case before (though it's telling that I'm low on B vitamins...). Plus my moodiness is 60000x better (especially when I take said B vitamins). No coughing after eating still. And, while I'm not entirely sure this is a good thing, I have developed a more sensitive sense of smell. It's still baby steps, alas. I'm realizing a lot of my symptoms are probably vitamin-related. But there's signs I'm actually absorbing stuff, and with my mission to EET AWSUM I should one day have wonderful vitamin levels and be healthy and happy and so on and so forth. Gluten has to be the root cause of all this CRAP, but maybe it's a blessing in disguise.

Another Late Post

2011-02-15T22:39:00.008-05:00

My Christmas tree! I'm absent-minded like whoa. Anyway, here are the pics of it. It turned out great, though I can't keep it straight for the life of me. Oh well. It gives the tree character!

Here are the progress pix. Click for larger view.

Self-Pity

2011-02-09T19:16:00.002-05:00

I still struggle with feeling ill. I guess the period of feeling better was a sort of "honeymoon period" or something. I think diet is a big part of this, ie, food intolerances or allergies going on.

WHY CAN'T DOCTORS ACTUALLY BE HELPFUL????? Noooo, I just get nothing but condescension and bullshit and ignorance. Oh, and my blood tests will all be normal so I just need a fucking pill THAT ISN'T GOING TO ACTUALLY FUCKING DO ANYTHING DEPRESSION DOES NOT CAUSE STOMACH PAIN AND NUMBNESS AND SO ON. So I'm on my own, having to watch every single goddamn morsel of food that enters my mouth. If I want to get better, it's going to be a huge huge huge huge huge huge huge huge amount of effort. It fucking sucks. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO MUCH WORK? Fuck. :(

More "Political Correctness" Gains

2011-02-06T20:37:00.003-05:00

"No Strings Attached" looks like a clichéd, trite piece of garbage with a stupid premise. However, in the trailer, Kutcher's character says to Portman's character, "You can't fight me! You're miniature. You fight like a hamster."

I'm sure lots of people know how that line COULD go (in regards to both her size AND fighting capabilities) that would be offensive and icky. But they went "PC" with it. And it's the funniest part of the trailer (which isn't saying much, but whatever).

I Forgot to Share This Interaction With Y'all!

2011-01-13T18:29:00.003-05:00

It was New Year's Day, and I had to work. I went to get gas, and I was leaving the pump, when I realized there was another vehicle wanting to come my way. Well, my leaving meant that I was in their way. I went off to this side area so they could get by. We both had our windows open. I said, "Sorry about that." The woman driving replied with, "No problem."

We all have moments we drive less-than-stellarly and we wish we could apologize. Not only did I get to apologize, but she heard me and was nice about it! She made my day. :P

Song of the Moment

2011-01-08T04:12:00.002-05:00

I obtained Beirut's "Gulag Orkestar" CD, and bumped it in my vehicle. I was familiar with some songs, but one I hadn't given a proper listen was "Postcards from Italy." Well, I just so happened to be at, um, this intersection known for high pollen content, yes, that's it, and I was stopped there, you know? Anyway, the music after the last verse was playing at the exact same moment that I was stopped in this intersection, and well, you know, all that pollen kind of got to me. No sneezing or anything, just a little water in my eyes.

IT WAS ALLERGIES DAMMIT.

Keep On Keepin' On

2010-12-14T09:56:00.003-05:00

I've been having lots of ups and downs in regards to this diet. I'm still getting the hang of what I can and can't eat, I think. But I have to realize that my deterioration wasn't linear, so my healing process probably won't be either. Plus it's been a month.

I think that *overall* I'm getting better, despite the days where I completely freak out over dumb shit like I used to, or the times I get some tummy pain. The "Classic Celiac Symptom" is one I haven't dealt with in a long time though; that's got to count for something, right? I'm also PMSing* right now which probably means I'm more sensitive to stuff at the moment.

At any rate, I have days of feeling sorry for myself and feeling shitty still, but I have more awareness of why (it's definitely food-related, and possible hormone issues aggravating things). And let myself feel bad, because it will happen. It's OK. Just keep plugging away. I've tasted good days! I am on to something. I just need time, I think. I'm not a patient person though, so that's going to be tough. :P

*In the true sense of the term, not shorthand for "I'm on my period right now."

I'm Making My Own Christmas Tree!

2010-12-08T20:47:00.002-05:00

I bought a bunch of white feather boas, some wire, a bunch of white pipe cleaners ('scuse me, chenille stems), and combined with a crapload of duct tape and aluminum foil will make this tree. When I'm finished, it's going to look amazing! See, I have more days with more energy so I can get involved with misguided art projects. :P

Here's a pic of what it looks like so far. I'll post all of the progress pics when I'm officially done.

Looking up

2010-11-27T16:30:00.004-05:00

My moodiness is easing up. My heartburn is slightly easing up (still have some reflux, but a lot less coughing after eating, and I don't *always* have crap in my throat). Certain unpleasant TMI digestive effects are going away. Normal hunger cues are more common. I've been going out a little more! I bought a cell phone and was only a little nervous about the whole process.

Baby steps. But things are looking up! I'm on to something here! I still need to avoid basically all processed foods, and dairy, and eggs (None of that stuff agrees with me). And be careful on fat. And master the art of several small meals a day too. And I've been taking B-complex and D vitamins. But I. am. going. to. get. better!!11!11111!!`3!@#

Is this IT? Is this the only thing going on? Will gluten-free make EVERYTHING better? Well, only time will tell. But food issues have definitely been a cause of my ill feelings. I probably am Celiac. Maybe I should have gone to the doc, but ergh, the dismissal. I just can't deal. If I don't continue getting better or something refuses to go away, I'll bite the bullet and go. But by the time I'd feel compelled to deal with a doc maybe I won't be so anxious!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T13:06:00.003-05:00

That is, for those who celebrate it.

Obligatory thankfulness recognition-- I am thankful for

A supportive family who loves and cares about me
Not being broke because I still live with mommy and daddy
My coworker and friend who gave me a very sweet and from the heart super late birthday gift
Amazing friends, even if I don't see them as often as I'd like
The health I do have
My intelligence
The Internet
Not being confined to the radio for my music
4-day weekend!

My dad is making a turkey stuffed with apples and celery. Yummy! After today, I'm going to go semi-hardcore health nut with my diet though--beyond gluten-free. There's a strong dietary/digestive, uh, thing going on here, the gluten-free is making that more obvious. But I think there's hope for me yet! :D

I May Say More About This Later.

2010-11-24T10:27:00.007-05:00

Listen, the security regulations at U.S. airports have gone too far for a long time now. Now, they're epically horrifying. ENHANCED PAT DOWNS AND NAKED BODY SCREENERS ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE US SAFER THEY'RE JUST DISGUSTING AND INVASIVE SECURITY THEATRE
WHY CAN'T YOU DUMBFUCKS SEE THIS WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????!?

OK. I'm done now. BUT SERIOUSLY PEOPLE WHAT THE FUCK?

Song of the Moment (with a little PSA)

2010-11-21T19:01:00.004-05:00

It took me way too long to figure out what this song was. I couldn't make out the lyrics too well from the speakers at work, and the song never played too often, so looking it up was impossible. I tried so hard to think of what the lyrics to the chorus were-- Privacy? Drive asleep? Try for sleep? Travesty? I heard it again last night and FINALLY made out enough lyrics to figure it out! Anyway, here it is.

Sniff 'n' the Tears - Driver's Seat

Since this song is from 1978, inevitably Youtube videos and such featuring this song get littered with comments about today's music being a load of crap blah blah blah. It's very annoying. Do people not realize this happens every generation? Also at play is the inability to distinguish "I like this" from "This is good music." You may prefer music from an earlier era, but that doesn't make it better. I don't feel that way about 21st century tunes, which is generally my preference in music. So basically, please STFU with the generation comparisons. Thank you.

Fascinating

2010-11-17T13:43:00.003-05:00

My belly likes bacon better than apples and bananas! Bananas cause pain. o.O Bacon makes me have that full feeling kind of, but no pain.

I feel very similar to how I felt before starting this diet right now. Tired, but with some short bursts of energy (that quickly went away upon eating a banana :( ). Hey, I think I have normal hunger pangs right now! :O I'm taking care of that with some MEAT. I'm going to turn into a damn carnivore. If only I could actually absorb the b12!

I hate the folks that think this is some crazy health-fad diet thing (and subsequently typecast anyone dieting in any way for I'd-like-to-stop-feeling-shitty reasons as those obnoxious evangelists who condemn the unhealthy eaters).

I Complain About My Parents....

2010-11-14T15:25:00.003-05:00

... but they do come around. My dad is understanding of my wanting to go gluten-free, and he sees now that what I'm dealing with IS that bad, and is willing to work with me. My mom, I'm not so sure, but I think she'll hear me out too.

And, I hate to say this (no I don't xD), but seeing some of my friends' parents makes me appreciate my own. For instance, neither parent, despite sending me to Christian school, give a shit about my religion (or lack thereof). My parents aren't pressuring me to go to school NOW OR THE WORLD WILL END. My parents had issues understanding that yes my health is that fucked up, but one friend's mom has a completely abysmal Lack of Getting It. My parents aren't the most, um, progressive or liberal people ever, but they're very live-and-let-live and non-judgmental when it comes to their daughter. And I am eternally grateful.

This gluten-free thing is going to be the topic of many posts because it's a drastic change in diet. I might have to add and remove other things from my diet as well. It seems that food does play a role in how I feel, I'm just not 100% sure how. Right now my stomach is achin', and I just feel generally icky. Ugh.

Gluten Free!

2010-11-11T00:41:00.003-05:00

I'm hungry all the time. IT'S SO AWESOME!!!!! xD Um, but ANY reaction is good right right?? :P I eat and eat and eat but still hungry. I read that upping protein while lowering sugar intake can help (which seems counterintuitive because my hunger feels like low blood sugar, but I won't knock it). Also many small meals and lots of snacking. I naturally want to do that anyway right now though.

Well, anyway, I'm off to make some bacon. Yum! One thing that's occurred to me is that so much of the food I ate that had gluten in it isn't food I get super excited about but just eat for convenience. I love fried chicken and certain sandwiches I guess. But I've never been a bread and pasta person ever (except sandwiches) and I like mac and cheese but it's never been my fave. Same for crackers and such too.

Ugh.

2010-11-07T16:45:00.005-05:00

So I said in the comments of that celiac post that I would try calling up an old doc to try to get the blood panel done. I have yet to be able to bring myself to do it. I can't bring myself to call up other docs either and ask about their knowledge of celiac. I severely underestimate just how bad the anxiety has gotten. :( I can't deal with even the slightest HINT of judgment. I can't deal with the slightest HINT of dismissal. I can't do the doc thinking I'm dumb for thinking it might be celiac but ordering the test anyway. I just can't. It just freaks me out so much.

So, I need to really try the diet for real. I know, I go back and forth and back and forth. It's just that getting a diagnosis would make it easier to navigate the issue with my family (who are supportive, but it's still hard). It would make it easier if I needed accommodations at work. I would love to be able to say, with certainty, "I have celiac" rather than this trying the diet to see if I feel better. Because what if I'm one of those folks who takes forever to feel better? Having to do this hard diet and not seeing results fucking sucks. And what if celiac isn't my problem? I've noticed, for instance, that my digestive symptoms and stomach pain come primarily before my period.

But the anxiety of seeing a doc is too great. And this sure as shit is more than serotonin deficiency (NUMBNESS!!!! The period symptoms too, actually). Plus what if I tested negative but still was celiac? What if I tested negative and the test was ordered grudgingly by the doc and the doc dismissed my concerns yet again blah de fucking blah. I hate doctors. I completely fucking hate them. I hate looking for doctors even more.

OMG I HAET MAH LIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!1!11!!!!@!@!$ God, I'm just having a really hard time right now. :(

Epic Stupid

2010-10-21T13:57:00.002-04:00

Things that are completely and utterly dumb:

Republican FL governor candidate Rick Scott calling Democratic candidate Alex Sink "liberal."
Rick Scott saying "Let's get Florida back to work" and promising to cut the state workforce by 5%.
People calling up NPR over the Juan Williams firing, and insulting and threatening the people working the phone lines as if they're the ones who fired the guy.
Anyone who takes out their anger over a company policy on the people who probably had nothing to do with the policy.
Road rage
Charlie Crist (FL former Republican governor who's running for FL Senate) acting like his non-party affiliation is something special when there's around 7 people on the ballot listed as NPA.

This May Sound Odd

2010-10-17T16:11:00.003-04:00

There are times when I'm with my friends and there's a lot of negativity in the conversation. Whether it be about my health, or issues with people, or the state of this country, or bigots, and so on. And no expression of hope about it getting better.

And it's awesome. I think a little group pessimism is beneficial sometimes. And necessary even.

It's MORE than complaining about something and being backed up. I'm talking about acknowledging in more ways than one that life, quite frankly, sucks (sometimes? hahahaha). And not acknowledging the beauty right after. The beauty doesn't always need to be acknowledged.

More About my Health

2010-10-02T16:37:00.006-04:00

I said before I wanted to try going gluten-free. Yeah, it didn't happen. It's hard when pretty much 100% of what Mom buys has gluten, and parents want to get gluten-filled fast food and restaurant food. So I never got started.

But I've been feeling worse lately. To the point where I kept breaking down and crying horribly. I had to step down from the office monkey job and go back to being back room retail person. I was recommended a doc.

Doc says (like the ones before): "Well your blood tests are normal so you're depressed. Here's a prescription." (I also have low vitamin D, but vitamin D deficiency doesn't completely explain everything going on. P.S. Odds are, your vit. D levels are low. Get them checked if you can.) This is why I hate docs. I don't buy that I have, let's call it Serotonin Deficiency. But docs insist on this. My gut insists on something else. Yes, I'm going with my gut instead of docs.

The more I read about Celiac Disease and gluten intolerance, the more it makes sense that that is what's going on. Awful "PMS"? B12 issues? Stomach pain (and that one time I went to the hospital?)? Fatigue? Heartburn? Completely jacked up hunger cues? Numbness? Allergies that seem worse than what I had when I was younger? All of these things coming and going seemingly randomly? I know Serotonin Deficiency can cause physical problems, but they're usually more straightforward, if what I've read about it is any indication. I've seen everything I've ever experienced on lists of symptoms of Celiac disease. Including depression.

But going gluten-free is really fucking hard. However, there's a cafe not too far from my house that specializes in gluten-free (apparently it opened up in March). I'm going to have some days off, and I'm going to eat as much food from there as I can. When I'm not eating the cafe food, I'll eat fruits and veggies exclusively (but then, I have to be careful what seasonings I use! Ugh.). If, after a week, I see any improvement, I'm going to try to get a hold of a dietitian and do it "for real." There's only TWO in a 50-mile radius covered by my insurance tho. :/ Hopefully one is willing and able to work with me despite the lack of official dx. If the dietitian thing doesn't work, I'm going to read up as much as I can, I guess? It's just SO HARD ERGGH.

At any rate, I can't just sit here and do nothing about what's going on. I feel too awful at this point. I also really hope this is the problem, because I'm a know-it-all full-of-herself prick who prides herself on being right, and having good instincts and such. It's not just the docs that are like, "Well it probably is [Serotonin Deficiency]. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE IT." And I don't believe it. It's not that I don't believe Serotonin Deficiency can't completely and utterly fuck you up, it's that I don't think it fucks people up in the way I've been fucked up. Type, not degree. I've been so insistent that there's something else going on that my ego would be hopelessly deflated were I wrong. OK, OK, I'd live, but being right would be such sweet victory. Plus I'd feel better with no pills necessary (well, I'll still probably need vitamins, but those don't usually have side effects unless you overdo 'em...).

Margaret's Guide to Food Theft Prevention!

2010-10-01T20:42:00.004-04:00

Coworkers stealing lunch has been an issue sometimes where I work. Never mine, thankfully, but it's happened to some people. When I have lunch in a Styrofoam box, I put my name on it with some sort of vaguely threatening message. Behold:

Margaret's lunch. Theft makes Baby Jesus cry.

Do not steal this food or God will kill 10 kittens and you will be blamed for it.

Do not take this food or L Ron Hubbard will come out from his grave and read "Dianetics" in a monotone voice.

Do not take this food or this will happen: (Drawing of person being beamed up into a spaceship). You do not want this.

So far so good. Plus lots of coworkers are like "LOL your notes are awesome!1!" But will someone end up pulling an overly vindictive "Oh yeah? You're gonna write something like that? Well now I'm going to be MORE likely to take it, be-yotch!!!"? Ah well.

Thoughtcrime

2010-09-21T18:40:00.001-04:00

The world is looking more and more like 1984. It's hella frightening.

I Don't Want to Talk About it

2010-09-15T21:11:00.003-04:00

I'm kind of depressed. I cry over things easily, and I tell people "I don't want to talk about it." You want to know why?

Because they're almost guaranteed to give me some kind of head-in-the-sand bullshit. There are very, very, very, very few people who ACTUALLY understand or can express their care in a way that isn't dismissive, condescending nonsense.

I don't want your advice, I don't want your platitudes, I don't want your comparisons of my problems to yours, I don't want your motherfucking dismissal of my problems, I don't want your condescension disguised as concern. Fuck you. I don't even care if it's just ignorance, and you mean well. It's not my job to educate you, and most of y'all don't want to learn anyway. I have no patience for idiocy. I'M ALREADY MENTALLY UNSTABLE AND YOUR SHIT DON'T FUCKING HELP YAHREEUWYFGDKJSAHDVFJ3RU75346R75DEWUTUYEWTFKHBCDCBGRtre%$%$#%$#.

Songs of the Moment (DOUBLE FEATURE!)

2010-09-05T21:49:00.003-04:00

I'm lazy. Not only two songs, but two MAD CATCHY tunes. Get yer groove on!

Passion Pit - The Reeling

I first heard the song in a store in the mall, a store with surround sound speakers and bassssss and I was a happy camper. I've heard it a couple times in the store I work at. Yayyyyy.

SNSD/Girls' Generation/소녀시대 - Run Devil Run

I am OBSESSED with this song! Aaaaah! Ke$ha has a demo version of this track, but I don't like her voice too much (it's the same damn song aside from that though); the women in this group have good voices, however (all 9 of them xD). This video is super stylish, and the song makes me want to bust out my best (terrible) pop star moves.

Musical Nostalgia #3

2010-08-20T20:27:00.004-04:00

This song brings me back to the days when I listened to the radio all the time. And it didn't piss me off. Something changed (increase in corporate control, probably). Now, there was a shit ton of corporate control then, and looking back, half the stuff I like is now awful to me (I listened to motherfucking DREAM!), but still. I listened to RAP. ON THE FUCKING RADIO. AND IT DIDN'T PISS ME OFF. Within a few years though, the shit-rap was starting to really take off, and even my not-so-picky-about-music n00b ass was having none of that.

Eve ft. Gwen Stefani - Let Me Blow Ya Mind (uncensored version, bitchez!)

Linked to this instead of the music vid because C**SORS**P FUCKING SUCKS BITCH TIT CUNT ASS SHIT MOTHERFUCKER FATHERFUCKER WE ALL SHOULD BE ABLE TO F****** SWEAR WITHOUT BLANKS AND STARS DAMMIT. Except for S**lj* B**. Superman that OHHHHHHH! Yah yah trick.

Stupid Questions, Stupid Answers

2010-08-17T19:04:00.001-04:00

Coworker: Are you having fun down there?

Me: I'm having lots of fun down there!

Bullshit of the Day

2010-08-06T17:45:00.003-04:00

Seen on a status update:

I've just realized. Girls can feel a million emotions at once over a million different things and drive themselves insane, but then at the same time guys will only be feeling one emotion if any at all... Haha... Of the great moments :D

But wait! There's more! One comment on that status update:

Guys aren't very emotional creatures, that's why they're important to balance us out :)

Listen, if you're not emotional, YOU'RE NOT A GODDAMN HUMAN BEING. Also, I'd like to add that repressing or hiding your feelings is not the same thing as not having them at all.

Just ugh. My emotional state right now: very annoyed. I NEED A BOY TO BALANCE MY EMOTIONAL ASS OUT STAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

21!

2010-08-04T09:05:00.001-04:00

Happy birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

I don't have much else to say. I've been on this "I don't feel much like blogging" thing. Again. So there.

Scratch that. My mom IS ridiculous.

2010-07-27T18:45:00.002-04:00

We're talking about dogs.

Mother Dearest: We had a boxer named Hamlet. He always made me hungry for pork. I don't know why.

All she needs now are some stylin' shades and The Who playing loudly in the background.

My dad is ridiculous.

2010-07-27T18:18:00.004-04:00

I come home

Father Dearest (FD): Hey, I'm making hash. As you can see, I haven't turned the burner on. I was going to, it's just a complicated process.
Me: You think you can handle this on your own?
FD: I'm pretty sure. (Stands staring at the stove, looking contemplative.)
Me: Make sure you turn the right burner on.
FD: (Stares at stove some more, thinking.) Well, if I turn on the wrong one, it'll only be a small fire.
FD: I KNOW! I'LL TURN THEM ALL ON! THEN I'LL GET THE RIGHT ONE ON!

Later on...

FD: MARGARET CAN YOU HELP ME PUT OUT THIS FIRE?
Me: Is it a small one?
FD: It was at first.
Me: ...
FD: Thanks a lot.

He finishes cooking

FD: Margaret! Dinner's done!
Me: Is it burnt black?
FD: YEP!!!
Me: MMMMMMMMM!!!
FD: With a little electrical wiring for added flavor.

P.S. I just want you all to know I have a mother. She's just not completely ridiculous. ;) Also, no fire actually occurred.

Stupid Questions, Stupid Answers

2010-07-21T04:30:00.004-04:00

Coworker 1 went on a vacation with a man she liked.

Coworker 2: So, did you get any?

Coworker 1: Yes, but that's all I got.

Fuck the Letter Writing.

2010-07-11T12:51:00.001-04:00

I'm not feeling it. Lol.

Ma'am:

2010-07-07T17:30:00.003-04:00

Listen. There are certain policies and procedures I have to follow. It probably has to be that way. I'm sorry that that causes hardship for you, but there ain't a damn thing I can do. I'm sorry you weren't informed of the correct procedures in full in the first place, but again, not my fault.

Do me a favor, okay? Get the fuck over yourself. Thanks, I appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Day 2: To My Crush

2010-07-07T17:25:00.002-04:00

Since you don't actually exist right now, I'm not going to bother. I could do some fancy thing to the kind of guy that'd make me feel that way, but I'm too tired. So there.

Day 1: To My Best Friends

2010-07-05T19:10:00.003-04:00

1:
You annoy the shit out of me sometimes. I hate talking to you on the phone. I hate when I come over and you just sit in front of the computer or we don't do anything. You can be immature and selfish. Maybe it's time I get over my fear of you seeing my awful, messy house and have you come to my place for once. ;)

But you know what? I fucking love you, girl. We have a special brand of idiocy that only we can appreciate. We do lots of things that seem stupid to the average person, but they're crazy awesome entertainment for us. I don't let just anyone see that side of me. People are so stupidly judgmental. You're so free of judgment, and it's refreshing. You tell me I look good whenever I see you. You always have lots of compliments for me. You're beautiful as well.

You're not as self-conscious about your appearance as most girls. You can talk about your weight in completely objective terms. You're all like, "I know," when I say something nice about you. Well, that's a paraphrase, but you get the idea. Self-esteemz, you haz it. It's awesome.

You're the most ridiculous, hilarious, and sweet person I've ever met. You make me smile. My life wouldn't be the same without you.

2:
You're a beautiful soul. Do you love me as much as I love you? I'll never know, but my world is better with you in it. I'm glad I got held back in kindergarten because I probably wouldn't have gotten to know you as well if I'd been a grade ahead of you.

Our conversations can be deep, they can be silly. I love them all. I love that I can see you and start a conversation about anything. Me. Starting a conversation. What a novel idea. You put people at ease. It's wonderful. You're wonderful.

I hope you know that you're beautiful. I hear you trash talking your body and it makes me cry a little inside. You feel bad about liking cookies. I'm not a jerk so I don't say something like, "Maybe the reason you want cookies all the time is because you try to deny yourself them." Plus, you know, I can't say that with certainty.

I don't completely agree with your views on life, but I know where you're coming from. I wonder if you'll ever come to reject religious belief as I have. Unlike me, though, ditching religion may not have the effect of making you a 1500 times better person. Why? Because you're already amazing.

P.S. That boy better be good to you.

In an Effort to Blog More....

2010-07-04T16:08:00.002-04:00

I'm going to do this letter writing thing:

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

I Love it (Not)

2010-05-31T17:13:00.003-04:00

I'm doing an event where I get to wear a fancy dress (yesss!). There are 2 dresses I really like, both strapless, both the same size.

One had a gap in the front big enough that I'd need to gain at least two cup sizes to fit (and a band size gainage wouldn't hurt but wasn't necessary as it had an adjustable band inside). The other is rather tight up top (TIGHT UP TOP?! A dress like that exists?!).

Women who put stock in that size number are probably well on their way to going completely bonkers.

Song of the Moment

2010-05-26T17:22:00.003-04:00

I appear to be the only one on the planet who actually likes the MESSAGE of this song. :P As someone who hates small talk and bullshit chit chat, I can get behind, "Shut up, I just want to get laid." It's direct! And therefore HOT. XD Regardless, it's so catchy that even a 3Oh!3 cameo doesn't ruin it.

Ke$ha - Blah Blah Blah (ft. 3Oh!3)

Pants Are Pants!

2010-05-21T17:56:00.007-04:00

After reading Nudemuse's rants about pants, I've found myself dealing with my own pants drama. I've had issues with pants, but they were never that bad. Until now. Ergh.

One interesting little fact about me: I CANNOT wear pants above my pelvic bone comfortably. I was a kid in elementary school, wearing my pants and shorts way above my belly button, and I was always horribly uncomfortable. I can't describe it any other way but "gross." Then one day some girl wanted to see my belly button, and when I realized I couldn't show her because my shorts were up so high, and I had an epiphany. I can wear my pants lower? I realized I needed to go much lower for optimal comfort. But seriously, the sensation of a band in my belly area feels really, really, really, REEEEEEEAAAAAAALLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYY awful. If the pants are supposed to be worn a little below the belly button, well, I disregard that and wear them low. I bristle at the assumption of women wearing low rise pants for sexXxAy reasons. THAT'S ALL I CAN FRAKKING WEAR DO YOU HEAR ME?

However, sometimes it doesn't matter that I wear them low, and even at my hips they feel awful in the same way that they do when I wear them right on my belly area. Like right now. I've gone through some sort of body change that has rendered every pair of pants I've owned horrifyingly uncomfortable. I'm thinking it's related to whatever the hell issues I have in my belly area. Both my reproductive system and digestive system are behaving in a less-than-desirable manner, let's just say. The discomfort is hard to describe; it's far more complicated than the pants are too big or too small. But I can't wear traditional slacks right now without it feeling absolutely horrifying. And jeans? Dear god, let's not go there. *Cringes in horror* I need pants for work, unfortunately. But dear lord I HATEHATEHATEHATE pants. Very, very much. I live in dresses and skirts.

I know a lot of women have tons of issues with pants, so while my belly sensory issues aren't too common from what I can tell, my inability to find pants that fit me right is super super common. We're in the 21st century. What is wrong with the fashion industry? (Everything.)

However, there are some pants I can wear comfortably: scrubs. Well, even scrubs can fit "wrong," depending on what style they are. But let me tell you, I am THRILLED about "fashion" scrubs. Comfy pants you can wear outside a medical establishment? Sign me up, please. My favorite so far are Grey's Anatomy scrubs. They're a tad expensive, but I love 'em. And they LOOK really good.

I also have this one pair made out of some kind of nylon spandex kind of thing that are rather tight fitting. But these pants are SO COMFORTABLE. I love 'em.

Dear Agressive Assholes on the Road

2010-05-20T18:02:00.004-04:00

Listen. I have goddamn anxiety, okay? Your need to go FASTFASTFASTNOWNOWNOW freaks me the fuck out. Fuck you. I don't care if you have somehwere you REALLY NEED TO BE RIGHT NOW. Do you have any idea how motherfucking SCARY it is when you get up on my bumper like that? But you don't care. You fucking own the road, don't you? By the way, fuck you.

You love that though, don't you? You like being a gigantic fucking dipshit. You like causing people to worry that you're going to crash into their goddamn vehicle. By the way, I CAN'T GO ANY FASTER YOU STUPID FUCK. Fuck you. Should I 'get over it'? 'Let it slide off my back'? Maybe, but it's hard to control my heart wanting to beat at about 150 beats per minute. Also, fuck you. Are you like that off the road? If so, you are a really, really terrible person. You're already pretty bad for driving like that though.

P.S. Fuck you

Smiley Woman

2010-05-09T11:52:00.008-04:00

Horror of horrors: there are two young actresses in Hollywood who do not smile on command, but rather, when they actually feel like it! They are horrible bitches, and they are Kristen Stewart and Gabourey Sidibe. Behold the eXxXtreMe Bitchnass:

That's motherfucking horrifying! Even though there are about 4,537 pictures of them both smiling.

Women being told to smile is an all too common phenomenon. Women being told how to feel is a common similar problem. I've been told once to smile, even though I'm naturally a smiley person. Ugh. Women are supposed to be happy and accommodating of everyone's feelings but our own. Many, many times I've heard someone talk about what a bitch XYZ woman was. I actually get to know her, and I don't get that impression at all. Usually the woman just isn't 100% happy smiley or she bluntly tells you when you do something wrong. Oooh, SO BITCHY.

However, don't think that just plastering a smile on your face all the time is okay! Oh, no.

Like I said, I'm a smiley person. It takes more thought for me NOT to smile in some way. You should have seen my face in elementary school though. I was always walking around with this wide-ass grin on my face, but I wasn't doing it on purpose. I just was inclined to do that for whatever reason. I got made fun of for it.

I bought a new car a few months ago. When I first filled it up with gas, I was amused by the fact that this car had a bigger tank than my old car for some reason. Some douche comes up to me and asks me, "Why are you smiling?" He wasn't trying to start conversation; he was trying to be douchey. I said nothing.

Your emotions are everyone's business! Make sure you're using the right ones at the right time!

Other posts that discuss Stewart's and Sidibe's absolutely horrifying lack of tooth display in more detail:

I'm Working on it

2010-05-05T19:24:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I'm just like, "Damn, I wish I could be that Total Badass that tells off jerks without flinching." I wish witty retorts to shame the person engaging in bad behavior right then and there came easy to me. Instead, I get nervous, sometimes laugh an awkward laugh, and so on.

But I realize this: I may have always had feminist tendencies my entire life, but much of my feminist ~~indoctrination~~ learning is new. I've never really stood up for myself in my youth. I'm already shy, and then add the socialization girls get to be quiet and nice, and is it any wonder I haven't embraced my Inner Bitch? I'm supposed to have everyone like me, and that won't happen if I call people out on their -isms and -phobias. But why do I want everyone to like me? Good question.

I also realize this: I'm getting better. Late high school, some girl asked if I wore a bra. I felt myself getting embarrassed; I just said, "That's a stupid question." And walked out of the room. Walking away is an OK thing to do sometimes. If I feel anxious, get away from the source of anxiety. When I cry, I'm getting better about telling people "I don't want to talk about it" should they ask why I'm crying. It ain't none of their goddamn business. I've said, "I don't want to have the college conversation." I've pushed back when my dad is OH SO HORRIBLY BOTHERED by my tears of frustration at something.

That stuff above may seem minor, but it's actually significant progress. I never would have walked away from the bra questioner 2 years before. I've listened to idiots shame me about the college thing, and I'm at the point where I am fucking DONE with that shit. Yeah, I still feel like I have to be nicey-nice to everyone, even when they piss me off. But I'm getting better. I am making progress. I'm getting there. I'm working on it. And I am awesome.

P.S. So are you. :) If you would like to comment, is there anything in your life that you're making significant progress on? Or what have you ever done to stand up for yourself?

P.P.S. Self-centered comments are 100% awesome.

On a More Positive Note

2010-05-04T18:13:00.005-04:00

I got a promotion of sorts! I've gone from retail laborer to office monkey. :P But I don't mind office-y stuff, and I was actually hoping to get a job like this in the first place. I do a LOT, and um, yeah, my ADD is definitely showing, especially on days where I'm super busy. I joked to someone that I may need Ritalin for this job. I wonder if that really is a joke.

But I got promoted (not a huge raise, but it works for me) and I'm fucking awesome (which is probably why I got promoted). ;) And I kept my cool (I felt my blood pressure go up a little at one point, I'll be honest) when confronted with 800 different things that warranted my attention. I got shit done. I need to get better with note writing though. And breathing. And pacing myself. But I think I'll do great! And while having 500 different things that need to be done can promote raised blood pressure, it does save me from being bored and I am allowed to pace myself as needed.

In other news, I'm going to try to write an entry every day this month, yes I am. So far, so good.

Other Countries Got Their Healthcare Situation Right

2010-05-04T18:06:00.003-04:00

Why can't we? What the fuck is wrong with us? Seriously!

I get reminded of this every time the fucking hospital sends one of their "love notes." And it makes me seethe with rage at this country. Oh, and all y'all out there who think it's a bad thing for everyone to have access to care without going into massive debt? FUCK YOU.

Boo Hoo

2010-05-03T17:50:00.006-04:00

I cry easily. I look for something and can't find it? Bam. Tears. I'm confused by something and have to go through a lot of hoops to figure it out? Bam. Tears. Bad grade and/or a lot of criticism on a paper I worked really hard on? ...Yeah. Basically any and every frustration is going to make me cry. Intellectually I know that it's not that big a deal, but emotionally the frustration turns me into a human leaky faucet.

I don't like crying. It leads to headaches, large amounts of snot, and burning eyes for me. So I don't really want to do it. But I can't control it. At all.

Crying itself is bad enough, and then people have to go and make it worse. Seriously. Someone says, "It's OK! It's not the end of the world!" and I want to yell at them,
SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU'RE NOT HELPING!!!!!!!!!!!!

But that's not, ahem, politically correct. Oh, by the way, "Calm down" has the same effect. I don't WANT to cry! Leave me alone! Or ignore the tears if you have to interact with me. Do these people never cry? Is that a normal thing? I mean, people cry sometimes, and surely they don't like it when people try to "reassure" them, right? All the "reassurance" does is make it worse! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? Let me write that in big letters because it's a really, really important concept.

Most attempts to reassure someone who is crying will only make matters worse.

You know, maybe they will stop crying. And replace their tears with angry, ear-drum-busting screaming. I'm just sayin'.

That Voice

2010-05-02T19:15:00.000-04:00

For the most part, I don't place a high priority on vocals. I care mostly about rhythm when it comes to music, and vocals are a nice addition (Most of the music I listen to has lyrics though, so go figure). I'm pretty forgiving of bad vocals; I'm more forgiving of women than men. For some reason, men who sing badly are more likely to be irksome to me than women who sing badly. But again, it's not common for me to be so bothered by the vocals that I can't listen to the music. However, there is one type of vocal that is guaranteed to annoy me, and I'll henceforth refer to it as That Voice.

What is That Voice? Well, it's almost always a male voice, and it's actually a lot like my talking voice (but more male ;P). However, that's a useless comparison for most people who don't know what my voice sounds like. Basically, picture an American white guy, in his late teens to early twenties. He has the Midwestern American accent (ie, the boring one), and this is actually the most important (re: most obnoxious) feature of That Voice. He pronounces the hell out of those R's and L's and A's (long and short)! Secondary features: That Voice is almost never a deep one. Quite frankly, someone singing with That Voice isn't really singing, it's more like crappy melodic talking. A guy who talks like that isn't so bad, but a guy who sings like that sounds fucking horrible. People from other countries have to suppress their accent at least a little bit when they sing; why can't you? Arrogant Americans! :P

And now, some examples of folks with That Voice. I'd hate some of these people's music anyway, but there are a couple here who would be SO MUCH BETTER if they'd just hire a vocalist or not sing:

Adam Young of Owl City
Tom DeLonge of Angels and Airwaves; Blink-182
Jimmy Tamborello of The Postal Service; Dntel
(Apparently he uses other vocalists on some of his songs?--if so, thank god! I've actually only heard the Dntel track "(This Is) The Dream of Evan and Chan" and his That Voice vocals completely ruined the song)
Ben Gibbard of Death Cab for Cutie
(This band would be doubly better if they just were instrumental. Not only do Ben's vocals suck, but his lyrics are fucking creepy.)
A dishonorable mention to Hayley Williams of Paramore
(I can put up with a couple Paramore songs because they're super catchy, but she does definitely have a variant of That Voice and it's irksome, though not as irksome as her male counterparts)

There's more, but I can't think of any right now. Come to think of it, people who possess That Voice often have a certain appearance too. It's also occurred to me that I can't think of any Disney or cheesy pop acts--both of which are the domain of less-than-stellar vocalists--that have That Voice. Go figure.

Stupid Questions, Stupid Answers

2010-05-01T09:24:00.005-04:00

Q: What do you do for that annoying feminine itch?

A: I scratch it.

My dad asked that! He was attempting to poke fun at Vagisil et al commercials no doubt. No comment.

Song of the Moment

2010-04-14T23:22:00.003-04:00

AFI - I Wanna Get a Mohawk (But my Mom Won't Let me Get One)

This song is great. It's very... inspiring. Yes.
Lyrics:

I may be ten years old but I still know what's up.
I wear my Cramps shirt almost every single day.
I want to sag my pants. I want to pogo dance
But Mom won't let me so I might just run away.
I, I wanna ride my skate.
I wanna stay out late.
I want a mohawk; mom won't let me get one.
I, I wanna go to shows.
Don't wanna pierce my nose.
I want a mohawk; mom won't let me get one.
I may be in fourth grade, but I know what's going on.
I listen to the Misfits almost every single day.
Don't want to take a nap
I want a TV tat,
But Mom won't let me so I might just disobey

A Song for Every Occasion!

2010-03-24T21:10:00.004-04:00

I can't be the only one who does this. I'm in a situation, and suddenly a section of lyrics (almost always grossly taken out of context) pops in my head that might apply to the situation. Sometimes it's song titles rather than lyrics. I'm often around musically clueless people or the song reference is an obscure artist so my urge to actually make the reference out loud is often suppressed. Anyway, some examples:

I'm on break at work, I go outside and get a little sunlight:

"I want to get away to feel the sun on my skin
To feel it really sinking in"
La Roux - Colourless Color

At work, if I have to deal with bed sheets:

"But it's time I'll take, before I begin
Three sheets to the wind, three sheets to the wind"
Flogging Molly - Rebels of the Sacred Heart

Or, if I encounter some duvets:

"And at the count of three
I pulled back the duvet
Made my way to the refrigerator
One dry potato inside, no lie
Not even bread, jam
When the light above my head went
BAM!"
Faithless - Insomnia

Someone just used a percentage! Ie, "This report is 96% bullshit." The Dillinger Escape Plan has a song called 43% Burnt, and the percentage the person used can be compared to "43% Burnt" in some cases.

Walking under a bridge

"Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood"
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge

Someone says, "Let's go"

"Let's go, I just want to let you know
This situation leaves me out of breath!"
The Fall of Troy - F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X (also, technically F.C.P.S.I.T.S.G.E.P.G.E.P.G.E.P. but the R.E.M.I.X. is more upbeat so better for the situation :P)

Driving downtown in an unfamiliar area

"Don't know where I'm going! I know know where I'm going, yeeeeaahhhh!"
Flogging Molly - Swagger

It's madly amusing. There are out-of-context lyric snippets and song titles for every moment of life! Do you have any? Share them!

International Women's Day

2010-03-08T22:02:00.003-05:00

I'm unable to come up with a particularly compelling post about this (work makes me tiiiiiired), so I will just say Happy International Women's Day. And yay for the women in my life who make it more bearable, from friends (we're all sort-of grown up now and can ostensibly call ourselves women!), to my mom, to the coworkers (thinking specifically of a couple). And boo on the Firefox spell check saying "women's" isn't a word. YES IT IS YOU MORONS.

When All Else Fails, Talk About the Weather

2010-03-07T17:52:00.003-05:00

People complain every year in Florida when the weather--gasp!--gets near the freezing point. I always laughed at them. I join them now, because damn, this year IS uncharacteristically cold. Seriously, what is up with this shit? Also, I'm loving all the "Look! Global Warming really is a hoax cuz it's so cold LOL!" folks. Look, let's be reasonable about these things..............
Uh, that might be a little too much to ask for some folks.

Anyway. Frost! For more than a day! We have more than a week's worth of needing-more-than-a-sweatshirt cold weather! And I've gotten to the point where I want it to warm up! And then it does for about 3 days. Then it gets cold again! And I want to cry! And the supply of exclamation points is running out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just used the last one. I want to apologize to everyone who needed one for whatever reason.

Also, yes, I know the Northeast is getting 4572376576 feet of snow and that's more sucky than my situation. I STILL HAVE A RIGHT TO COMPLAIN DAMMIT. IT'S COLD AND IT NEEDS TO WARM UP ALREADY.

On Fashion Choices

2010-01-21T14:27:00.004-05:00

So I'm browsing Jezebel and come across this comment from an article discussing idiots who dis Christina Hendricks' body (which is, of course, vile, but no, that's not quite the point I'll be making):

Why is it more acceptable to judge and approve (or not) of someone's taste but it is not...to judge on other areas of someone's life? At this point, fashion is every bit as political and loaded as say, eating....Oh yes, we are not judging their bodies, we are judging their subjectivity (that's what taste is all about). We are pointing fingers and approving or not of what they decided was best for them to wear...

This comment touched upon something that's always bugged me, and that's criticizing people's fashion choices. I'm especially sensitive to criticisms of someone "showing too much skin" or wearing something "unflattering to their body type" or that some fashion feature (ie, ruffles) is inherently ridiculous.

I think there are three reasons why this bugs me:

A lot of fashion criticism is someone posting their opinion as fact (and that sort of thing bugs me easily).
The resulting implication is that there is an objective standard for taste and everyone should follow it.
It's often criticizing an individual person's taste, rather than, say, stating your feelings on a certain fashion.

It also bothers me because I'm someone who's always had a problem with unwritten or arbitrary rules, and fashion criticism gleefully embraces arbitrary, unwritten rules like crazy. I mean, it's one thing to say, "I really think leggings look stupid and hate the trend with a passion," and another to say, "OMG that girl is wearing leggings!" and then followed with either "God she looks stupid" or "She does NOT have the body to pull them off." I tend to think there's an important distinction between the two. What's the standard for ridiculous vs. not? What's the standard for "right for your body"?

I absolutely loved Christina Hendricks' dress, though I will admit to not being a big fan of the color. A lot of people felt the same way, and others thought the side ruffles were inherently a bad thing. Really? That's my favorite thing about the dress! See how subjective it all is?

But then, there's the whole, "Don't take it personally!" Which I can kind of understand. I'm not bothered by people, say, snarking on an musicians' work. If someone said, "Lady GaGa's songs have some really dumb lyrics" that wouldn't bother me so much, even if I thought that statement was bunk (I don't, at least not completely...). I also don't think dumb lyrics make music bad. But then again, I would hate it if someone, say, criticized her fans as people with terrible taste in music, or said her music was terrible, or implied that, because her lyrics are dumb, she shouldn't be making music. Also, I get annoyed with fans who imply a band's older works are inherently superior than their newer stuff.

I don't know where the line is between taking it too personally or justified sensitivity. But I really don't like criticizing people's fashion choices, at least not in any way other than "I (don't) like ___." I guess I just wish criticisms of subjective things contained more obvious acknowledgments of their subjectivity.

The Epic Tale of How I Became an Atheist

2010-01-12T19:44:00.003-05:00

It's strangely hard to explain the thought processes that led me to atheism, but I'll try. This might be longer than it needs to be, possibly. But maybe every little detail may be a fascinating thing for some. I don't know.

None of my family claims to be Christian, but both do/did seem to believe in God. My dad's hatred of public schools caused him to send me to a private Christian school. There I learned about Jesus and "got saved" when I was in 3rd grade.

The teacher's talks of hell scared the shit out of me. I prayed the prayer, but I did have my doubts about being TRULY saved. I remember thinking about how presumptuous it was when I said, "Thank you for saving me" when I recited the prayer. Second-guessing myself is something I do very well. I later had doubts about my salvation because the teacher always talked about how she heard God speaking to her and I didn't have that. I told her about my doubt and she asked me to write why and she'd hide it in her Bible and pray about it (without looking at the reason for my doubt). At any rate, I read the Bible occasionally, because I was supposed to, I prayed, but I wasn't particularly devout.

I went to a new school in 7th grade, and I learned that I really needed to truly live for Jesus if I was going to call myself a Christian. Reading the Bible every day, for instance, was supposed to help you get closer to God. But you weren't supposed to do it in a "going through the motions" way. Which I was, because in all honesty, I didn't find the Bible that interesting. It took me a long time to admit that because I thought it meant there was something wrong with me. I wasn't "on fire" enough for God, you see.

God always felt so far away. I sometimes felt a euphoria when singing and listening to music that I attributed to God, and I got emotional when confessing sin to God, but ultimately, it was like he wasn't there. Many Christians will say, "See? That's your problem." All I have to say is, believe what you want to believe. I also never witnessed to anyone, because I hated conflict and witnessing was bound to cause a lot. I also wasn't sure of myself enough to back up my beliefs. Hell, even now, explaining my views and values and trying to defend them is hard for me. It seems to be a personality trait of mine. But it was another way of feeling bad about myself because I didn't love Jesus enough to endure conflict in his name.

I had the first real twinge of doubts in 9th grade Hermeneutics class hearing the explanation of how the books of the Bible were determined to be God's Word. It seemed like it was such an... arbitrary process. But I swallowed my doubt and kept on. The Bible did indeed end up being a big sticking point to me rejecting it all.

About junior year I discovered feminism. I've always had feminist tendencies: being annoyed at the assumption it was always mothers who cooked, being bothered most by sexist lyrics in music, seeing the nastiness in every single beauty ritual girls are supposed to do; and so on. It was natural for me. The brand of Christianity that I had been taught in school was a rather patriarchal brand, however. I found feminist Christians, and, hey look, I could believe in real equality while still worshipping Jesus. I allowed myself to disagree with things I was being taught. To think for myself. To really think for myself.

At this time I'd developed some nasty health issues and also some lovely depression. I found myself saying, "I know God understands, but it would be nice to have an earthly person who did." I felt like nobody wanted to hear my honest answer to "How are you feeling?" I felt like nobody understood what I was going through. And God did, but he didn't directly talk to me. I needed direct talk. And I'd pray for it and I was more than willing to praise God when that help came. It never did. I still struggle with depression and other issues, but I realize that it's MY strength that's keeping me alive.

The more I delved into feminism, the more that many conservative beliefs I previously held to started to fall away. I realized more and more how complicated the world is. What works for one person really and truly may not work for another. We can't all adhere to the same way of living. We just... can't.

I still had a fear of hell at this point. I still thought Christianity was "the way" and we all needed Jesus. But at the same time, I started to wonder how much Christianity was the way. Could non-Christians be okay? I mean, so many of them are awesome people! My grandma for one. I saw people doing things I always thought was a sin (Premarital sex! Homosexuality! Even..... ABORTION!!!!!!!!!!!) and they demonstrated that they were better off and happier engaging in those sinful behaviors than not doing so (Abortion itself is not a happy thing, obviously, but seeing women whose lives would be utterly ruined by pregnancy made me VERY sympathetic to the pro-choice cause). And reading the writings of non-Christian feminist women made me have more AHA! life-changing moments than any verse in the Bible ever did.

Time passed, and my brand of Christianity became increasingly liberal. I found myself disagreeing more and more with what I'd been taught. Eventually I found myself questioning hell, and if non-Christians go there really. But more and more I was able to look at the world from an outside view. To see what people meant when they talked about contradictions or just nastiness in the Bible. When people made all the standard atheist arguments (no evidence for God, sovereignty issues, etc.), they made increasing sense. And I realized how little I wanted to explain it away. My faith had become pretty weak. At this point I decided to read Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion. If your faith is weak, that book WILL push you over the edge. I suspect the myriad of other atheist books would do the same thing.

It hit me: my beliefs had issues. The Bible has things that are problematic, and I found it wasn't an interpretation issue. One thing that got me was the laws of Leviticus, especially the more misogynist ones. Oh, and the Bible is patriarchal. I was so done with trying to explain away that as, well, they lived in a patriarchal society so that influenced the writing, BUT--patriarchy is still a sin! And then I finally completely saw what a nasty, vile doctrine hell is. I finally realized that all the miraculous events in the Bible were probably made up and being asked to seriously, literally believe them is ridiculous. There are many similarities between Christianity and various pagan religions. Learning more about evolution helped too.

I finally came to "there's just no evidence for god" and realized that that is absolutely true. Every single reason I had for believing in god was based on an emotional appeal. I found that I'd only really come to belief because of the environment I grew up in (and fear of that pesky hellfire). I also realized that all along I'd based my morals and worldview on my experience and evidence (also, everyone else does too); I just felt the need to make it fit with the Bible when I was a Christian. Finally, I ditched all faith in God completely.

It was a little jarring at first. But it's been freeing. I'm more able to be honest with myself and accept who I really am, and what I really need. I try to embrace the world in a logical, evidence-based way. And doing so has led to an amazing amount of enlightenment and enrichment of my life (although, admittedly, some frustration as well). I'm less judgmental of other people as well and I try to understand why people do what they do rather than just accept that they're crazy or stupid. I question everything, and I realize how much is a lie; I never accept things at face value anymore.

This lack of belief isn't something I came to flippantly. I've spent countless hours thinking about this (and reading things), and these are the conclusions I've come to. I won't pretend that I have absolute certainty or all the answers; not even close. But I'm okay with that. I'm a (kind of) grown woman now. I can handle not knowing everything.

On Christmas Music

2009-12-25T14:13:00.005-05:00

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate! If you have to work today, may you have a lovely celebration of some sort another day. One thing that drives me batty about Christmas is the music. I hate most of it.

The songs I Hate

"Winter Wonderland" - This is such a popular tune, but I've hated it since I first heard it when I was a little kid. The melody irritates the shit out of me, and the stupid lyrics just add insult to injury (stupid lyrics, are, of course, totally acceptable if put to good music, which, this song is not). "You'll say, 'Are you married?' We'll say, 'No man! But you can do the job when you're in town.'" DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE.
"We Three Kings" - Another one I've hated for a long time. The melody of the verses is actually kind of pretty, but the monotonous "Star of wonder, star of night..." bit is a grave insult to music.
"Baby, It's Cold Outside" - The fact that this song is basically date-rape apologia is offensive and vile enough, but things are made 598734875684x worse by the fact that you can't go shopping or work in retail without being subject to it. That's fucking sick.
"Santa Baby" (except Eartha Kitt's version which I -almost- like; and I don't absolutely hate Taylor Swift's cover) - The lyrics suck (and the music doesn't redeem the suckitude) and nothing more needs to be said.
"2000 Miles" by The Pretenders - The guitar sounds like a nastified version of Boston's "More than a Feeling" and the woman's voice is irritating as fuck to me. And this shit gets stuck in my head like nothing else 23585875DFFT7%&%^&^6TFG3478RT66UEG
"Christmas All Over Again" by Tom Petty - Another one that won't leave my head. "Christmas is a rocking time!" FUCK YOU.
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" - First of all, how many little kids talk like that? "She didn't see me creep, downstairs to have a peep." "Underneath his beard so snowy white." I mean, some kids may have poetic abilities, but most of them wouldn't use it like that, would they? WOULD THEY? And also, of course, the implications it has for Santa. Maybe mommy is the writer of "Santa Baby."
"Santa Claus Is Coming To Town." - Does anyone realize the implications of the lyrics? "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows if you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good..." So Santa watches children when they sleep. And apparently knows their every move........... Need I say more?
"Rocking Around the Christmas Tree." I just hate this song because it invokes images of square, conformist type people getting mad fucking drunk and looking like total dumbasses (The kind of people I want to avoid spending time with at all costs). And the phrase "Christmas party hop."
A Change at Christmas (Say It Isn't So) - There's more than one artist that sings this song, but the version I've heard features this yeast-infection-promoting moron droning on in monotone about how we're so happy and compassionate around Christmas (try driving on the roads and working in retail around the holidays; compassion my ass) and then we go back to being hateful. Shut the fuck up. PLEASE.
90% of remakes of Christmas songs. I've heard way too many crappy versions of "A Christmas Song" and one woman determined to sing "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" in the most obnoxious way possible (it's a dumb song anyway, no need to overkill).

Songs I gasp Like (or, at least, don't mind)!

"Carol of the Bells" - I prefer instrumental versions, but even with lyrics it's still a really pretty song.
"12 Days of Christmas" - I'm a sucker for songs that feature a gradual building up of energy, no matter how it's carried out (even if it's in just singing more lyrics).
"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey - This one makes a lot of "hate" lists, but I have a soft spot for it. I think I just like this one because the first time I heard it was this one Christmas where I went to my neighbor's house and we all basically just had a fun party with all kinds of people from all over the world. Even though I did no dancing (nor much talking) myself, I had a blast that night.
"O Holy Night" sung by the right people - One of the few times I can deal with Celine Dion, and deep-voiced men often sound good singing this. Sung right, ie, not by someone who's trying to show off their entire vocal range (with maybe the exception of Celine Dion :P), it's such a beautiful song.
Trans-Siberian Orchestra anything - Deep down, I know they're really gimmicky and just looking for a quick buck probably, but, well, they got me with the gimmick. Plus it's my first exposure to metal-with-more-instruments-than-just-guitar-and-drums.

Terms I Hate: Obnoxious Punny Crap Portmanteau Edition

2009-12-16T18:55:00.008-05:00

~~I don't know what you call it, but something that irritates the hell out of me that no one else seems to be bothered by is this sort of cutesy, punnish combining of words kind of thing~~ Edit. This thing that irritates me is called a portmanteau, and gee, maybe I should look these things up on the goddamn Google before firing my keyboard. :P But people love the portmanteau and I want to throw my entire beanie baby collection at all the people who use them. "Man" and "Mom" are two of the worst for this. Examples:

Momnesia
Momoir
Momformation
Manbag
Mancation
Manscaping
Manorexia/manorexic

Other charming examples of this sort of thing:

Guyliner
Staycation
Bromance
Edutainment
Webinar
Sexting
Guesstimate

Even "blog" and "tween" are kind of icky terms to me, but I don't mind them as much as most of the other ones I've heard. But I hate portmanteaus very much and would love to see them blown to smitherines by a horde of alien spacecraft.

Political Correctness Wins*

2009-12-16T13:32:00.005-05:00

I hear people (who are almost always twice my age) at work using the term "Workman's Comp" and I'm a bit taken aback. I am not used to such antiquated language being used in my presence!

*I think it's a good thing. I certainly ain't no workman.

Our Healthcare System, Ladies and Gentlemen

2009-11-19T14:47:00.004-05:00

I went to the hospital with nasty abdominal pain and puking. Admittedly it wasn't THE WORST PAIN AND VOMITTING OF MY LIFE, but it was enough to cause serious concern. And I went to the hospital.

It turned out to be just some bug or something, but I'm getting like 870 bills that add up to something like $5000. For some CT scans, IV, and lying in a bed bored out of my skull for over a day. Oh, and I had insurance, sort of. It's a complicated story.

But WHY IS THIS FUCKING OKAY? I got sick and got concerned about it and now I'm faced with this huge ass bill. WHY IS THIS FUCKING OKAY????!?!?!?!?! And of course, my story isn't even the worst.

And I still have no faith for healthcare reform. Oh we might get something after things get Armageddon Bad. Sigh.

Site Issues

2009-11-10T15:14:00.002-05:00

Geocities closed, so no more external CSS, and therefore no more style switcher. Ah well. Not a big deal. But the site was doing the "CSS Naked" thing for awhile there. :P

Dancin' with Myself (at a show)

2009-10-22T10:09:00.002-04:00

So, some bands I love were playing in my area. My friends all either:

Don't like that kind of music
Are busy with school
Don't like these types of venues

Any friend can be any combination of these things at different times. So what do I do? Go alone! My dad especially was concerned, but really the alleged horribleness of cities with populations greater than 30,000 (and, you know, not 94% white...) just isn't there. I already knew this, even if my father didn't completely believe that. But he never really tried to stop me from going.

A couple weeks ago I went to see August Burns Red, and actually, that was the inspiration for this post because I spent way too much time feeling awkward and worrying if I looked stupid bobbing my head with the music and what have you. Especially because I was off in the side where the people who traditionally just stand there doing nothing go. I went there instead of the front because 1) I didn't really want to do the mosh pit thing (or have the stage diving folk jump on me...) and 2) I'm a tad claustrophobic (not too much to go in a crowded venue though!). Regardless, it was a good show. Well, when August Burns Red came on. I didn't care about the other bands. I also want to try stage diving at least once now; hopefully I'll get brave enough to do that before it goes the way of weed and smoking inside the venue.

Yesterday I got to see The Fall of Troy! It wasn't nearly as crowded at this show, but I sat on some ledge near the back. This time around, I moved to the music (but on my ass because my feet were hurting from working all day :P) and cared a lot less who saw me or what I looked like. Most people around me did, in fact, just sit (or stand) perfectly still, but I did my thing. It's not my fault I'm an awkward, slightly-tight-crowd-averse person who can't stay still, okay? :P

At any rate, there's a reason The Fall of Troy is my favorite rock band. Also, they played Rockstar Nailbomb! Hell yes. Thursday, the headliner, put on a pretty good show (and very dramatic, just like their music), as did The Dear Hunter and Midnight Masses. My ears are still ringing, and I'm totally cool with that.

But I'm liking going by myself. Going with friends is always awesome, and I do still feel slightly awkward being alone, but I think the more I do it, the more I'll shed that pesky self-consciousness and just enjoy the show. In my own special way.

Our Healthcare System

2009-10-13T19:49:00.002-04:00

It makes me fucking angry. And is there hope that Congress will get actually sane, WORKING reform? I'm losing hope.

Margaret Needs Confidence!

2009-10-07T20:29:00.004-04:00

I want to be able to:

Wear what I want without worrying about standing out too much.
Stop feeling bad about not being in college yet when people ask me for the 30th time whether I'm in there or not. Also to be able to say "It's my life; not yours" should they deem this a bad choice.
Tell people that what they're saying is wrong or offensive when they make any kind of sexist/racist/homophobic/fatphobic/etc. statements.
Start up a conversation with someone without feeling 6999999990 levels of awkward. If I can get that number down to, like, 7000, I can live with that.
Tell a guy who's making me feel awkward that he's making me feel awkward and not be scared to do so
Come to think of it, to be able to use the "It's my life; not yours" for any situation effortlessly
Not care or shrug it off if people do judge me, or say, I start up a conversation with someone and they're obviously not interested and just apologize and be on my way
Not beat myself up so much for every mistake
Really and truly love myself as I am, yes, even in my current painfully- shy-preternaturally self-conscious incarnation
Tell people if I'm feeling like shit because I'm on my period
Flick someone off who deserves it
Post what's on my mind without that little voice in my head telling me it's not good enough

I've made a little progress in some areas. I swear a little bit at work and around friends and occasionally family and am getting a little less self-conscious about that. I'm so done with seeing "bad words" as actually bad. :P I've also argued against my dad regarding health care and some of his other bullshit Fox News propaganda. But I care too much about people judging me or saying the wrong thing or making a bad argument and I just want to be able to say, "FUCK THAT SHIT" and be done with it. It's a gradual, painful process, unfortunately. :( I'd like to think that I'll eventually be that super confident free-spirit ~~girl~~ woman--one day.

I don't know. Um, I like my body well enough. I think I'm beautiful. I know I'm smart. So I've got some self-love going for me, eh? But I just wish I could stop feeling so damn awkward all the time.

Whippersnapper

2009-10-01T18:20:00.006-04:00

So I saw this old post at Shakesville with Melissa waxing poetic about the good ol' days of music:

I know I sound like a bit of an old grump—you kids have it so much easier these days; you don’t know how much harder it was when I was your age. But I don’t begrudge them that ease. I mourn for the experiences they’ll never have because of it.

Now, I'm certainly not going to disagree with her post. But that post just got me thinking about my own musical journey. Of course I am one of the young'ns she refers to who grew up (is growing up?) in the age of easy downloading and easy access to even relatively obscure artists and memorabilia. I know I'll never have quite the experience she describes. However, without the Internet, I'd likely have nothing at all. Well, maybe not nothing, but my music experience would be rather anemic.

My childhood was a somewhat sheltered one; I went to a Christian school, associated with the Good Christian People, and lived and still live in a not-so-populated-very-suburban-somewhat-far-away-from-major-metropolitan-areas town. My only source of music was the radio, basically. No one around me was particularly a music fanatic, either. But even then I had hints of music lovin'. I always got so excited to get new CDs. My first CD was Jaci Velasquez's self-titled album. The one type of music that really stuck to me was trance. I didn't know it was called that, but I really liked it. My mom had a Robert Miles album that I listened to often, and DJ Mystik and DJ Sammy were often played on the radio (besides Friday night). Despite this, I still wasn't a superly huge music fan. I liked it well enough, but certainly not like I do now.

However, that all changed with a couple of things: a friend telling me about Limewire, and when I typed "DJ Mystik" into the Google search bar. No, seriously. I heard his music (though now I know "his" music is actually almost always some barely remixed version of someone else's remix of some 80s song...) on the radio, and wanted to see if I could find anything else by him. I did, but I also found a list some guy in Canada made of what he considered the top 300 trance songs (It's now 400+ wooo). He bashed DJ Mystik as a phony (and he is, frankly), and that's how he came on my Mystik search. I had that evil p2p software in hand, and downloaded away. I also had a proper name for that kind of music (I always felt weird calling it techno and was happy to have my feelings validated). I was hooked. So much good music!

I then stumbled upon Ishkur's Guide to Electronic Music (now a bit outdated though) and found all kinds of good stuff. Hell, even now I can browse through that thing and find a nifty track I missed before.

Eventually I found other music besides electronic, and have since gotten a last.fm profile, which has been quite integral to me finding more music. I've also found good music from things like random songs on people's myspace profiles and such. That's actually how I found The Fall of Troy! Over the years my taste has increasingly branched out, but even in my mainstream-only days I had a little variety going. I liked Led Zeppelin and Destiny's Child and Steven Curtis Chapman all the same. But with the Internet, I have access to all kinds of music, and I'm doing what I can to take advantage. I've opened my mind so much, listened to the kind of music I used to say I couldn't stand, listened to music I had no idea I'd like so much. I've also found that a lot of the music I liked when I was a lot younger I can't stand now. It's because I found something better, or at least more in tune with my brain waves. :D

I was a toddler when raves were a somewhat big thing, but it's unlikely that I would have been able to go to one anyway. But I can at least get a chance to hear the music that was made during that time now. Maybe one click on Amazon isn't the same as finding that desired record in a little record shop, but I never would have gotten that music otherwise. And there's music that's obscure enough that you still have to search a long time for. :P

I am so, so thankful for the Internet. It's opened me to a whole new world outside my not-so-populated-very-suburban-somewhat-far-from-a-major-metropolitan-area town. And I'd say at least 80% of the music I like I found somehow off the Internet. One telling difference between my experience and many from the "good ol' days" is that my music journey was basically all by my lonesome. All of my friends are mainstream-lovin' and it was a random Internet search that led me to realize there's more, so much more than the FM dial. And I now have a driver's license and my own money and I can go to shows when they come around here. And my friends often like the music I put on for them too. :) But it was made possible by the Internet.

Filed Under "Wrong as Hell"

2009-08-28T19:05:00.002-04:00

People my age getting married and/or having kids. Now, I say this is wrong not to be overly judgemental of other people's choices or what have you, it's just that I can't uh, empathize? I mean, there is NO way in the WORLD that I could handle kids or marriage right now. I'd go completely insane! Completely insane! And I see these people doing that very thing that would cause my brain to shrivel up and die and I just... I mean, I just don't comprehend it. Anyway.

Quick Thoughts on Hillary Clinton

2009-08-15T13:13:00.004-04:00

The question:

We've all heard about the Chinese contracts in this country, the interferences from the World Bank against this contract. What does Mr. Clinton think, through the mouth of Mrs. Clinton...on this situation?

Clinton's response:

Wait, you want me to tell you what my husband thinks? My husband is not the secretary of state. I am. So, you ask my opinion, I will tell you my opinion. I'm not going to be channeling my husband.

Lots of people are acting like she completely lost her temper in her response. Some feel like she should have assumed the asker meant Obama. Apparently Hillary was wrong to be bothered by (what appeared to be on the surface) a really sexist question.

Now, as you can see, I see nothing wrong with her response, but the point I really want to make is this: If a woman asserts herself, she pretty much will automatically get people saying she's "bad-tempered" or unreasonably angry or what have you, it seems. And this is just begging for (FAMOUS?) women to pull a Christian Bale on someone engaging in even the niggliest sexism.

I can see it now:

Dude sees me pull out an extension cord, and after I try to detangle it for a couple of seconds, quickly asks if I need help. My response? THE FUCK? YOU FUCKING SEXIST PRICK I DON'T FUCKING NEED YOUR MOTHERFUCKING HELP I CAN DEAL WITH A FUCKING EXTENSION CORD (and a regular extension cord too!) ON MY OWN YOU FUCKER YOU ONLY FUCKING ASK BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING GIRL (not yet, technically, but that's beside the point...). GODDAMN I WANT TO FUCKING KICK YOUR FUCKING PATRONIZING ASS GO TO HELL AND DON'T COME BACK DICKHEAD. FUCK!!!!!!!!!

And while we're at it, it ensures that "If this was a man...." will not see an end to usage any time soon.

No Longer a Teenager

2009-08-05T14:47:00.002-04:00

I'm 20, y'all! Me birthday was yesterday. I had to work. It was OODLES OF FUN. Ha. Today I got off. But it has been gloomy and depressing (weather-wise). This isn't Seattle. What the hell is wrong with you, Florida? Ah well. I've now spent 2 decades on this earth. Do I feel different? Yes, actually, but it's a long story.

Blog Overhaulin'; Life Overhaulin' (AKA the most ADD-esque post ever)

2009-07-30T18:04:00.005-04:00

I actually briefly considered a blog shutdown, but I soon realized that's a really dumb idea. However, I'm in dire need of a new computer before I really do anything. This thing is slow, makes weird noises, etc. My car is the same way, actually. So are all my devices that I use to play music with. Except my Sony portable CD player. That thing fucking rules. I've had it since I was 12. And it works amazingly. :)

ANYWAY. One thing I need is a layout change, for real. Just something different. I have to change things up. But I get blocked. Not cockblocked though. My creativity is lacking at the moment. I might get a domain and all that. But after I get a laptop and a new car (HAHAHAHAHAHA YEAH RIGHT) you know, I might not have enough money left. I'd like to add that public transportation 'round here is ~~the~~ shit. I'd love to ditch the car thing, but that's not so easy to do in suburban hell.

I've had a sort of off-and-on depression for awhile now. Sometimes, yes, it is the deep-sadness-from-hell type, but other days it's the I'm-tired-I-can't-be-arsed-to-do-anything kind, or the complete-and-total-inability-to-handle-even-small-stresses type. I've read from 40000 different sources that celiac disease/gluten sensitivity can contribute to a) depression and b) b12 deficiency (ding ding!). And it's just now that I'm really considering dropping the gluten. This won't be easy because gluten is in everything. Except potatoes. Mmmm, potatoes. There are certain diets that forbid them. Dude, that's sadistic. Anyway, hopefully it'll at least make me feel a little better.

My world is really crazy and wacky right now. You should see my room. It's a disaster area. It reflects how my head is right now. And I have no motivation to clean it. Maybe do one little thing a day. Maybe the clean room will help clean my mind? And then the lack of gluten will add to that goodness? Isn't this the best post you've ever read?

So....

2009-07-25T10:15:00.005-04:00

Life's been taking over, my computer is dying, and yeah. Most of the time I just don't feel like writing anything and posting seems a drag/drudge/obligation. I don't get myself sometimes. I went through "OMG I WANT TO SHARE WITH THE WORLD EVERYTHING!!!!" without a blog and then when I actually start the dang blog I get this block. Ergh. What to do?

In other news, I saw VNV Nation last night! My god, that was awesome fun. Ayria, one of the supporting acts, was also very amazing. My ears hurt, my voice is shot, I'm tired, but I would gladly do it again! And go deaf and mute and possibly lose my other senses too! But see? I don't feel like putting more than that down. At least not now.

My Stay at the Hospital :o

2009-06-20T18:43:00.001-04:00

So Thursday afternoon I was having pain around my belly button. I also had a poor appetite. I was slightly concerned, but I figured I'd wait and see if things got worse.

They did.

I started throwing up around 11 p.m. and had a temperature of 101. I felt weak and the stomach pain was there, though it wasn't horrible. The nausea/puking was worse.

I went to the hospital to make sure my appendix wasn't crapping on me. They did CT scans and everything. They didn't find my appendix because apparently it's harder to see things on someone who doesn't have a decent amount of fat. Lesson? Get fat so you can get a good CT scan! :D

The pain went away, and so did the puking but I've got diarrhea (aren't you glad you know that) and also my period. I'm a little nauseous but my body isn't acting on it...

The hospital peeps held me for about 35 hours! They were worried it might be appendicitis too and wanted to make sure it wasn't.

I now know I don't have appendicitis; maybe it was food poisoning. But I freaked out because vomiting is such a rare thing for me. So is the 101 temp too.

I'm doing a little better except for the poo. And my appetite still sucks. But I'm alive! Wooooo.

Good News/Bad News/Random News

2009-06-16T09:18:00.003-04:00

Good news: I'm not really a cashier anymore! If they really, really need me as a last resort, they'll use me though. :( But soon they hire more people? Please God/FSM/Other Deities let it be so.

Bad News: I broke down crying in front of a customer. You know, I may have some kind of social anxiety or something. This is the second time I've cried buckets of tears at the workplace and I think it's pretty obvious to everyone that I'm a rather emotional individual now. Oh, and yes, this is related to the end of my cashiering, because I explained that I'm better on the floor after this incident. Everyone seemed to be, "Awww poor Margaret" rather than, "What a nutcase" but yeah.

Random News: Variants of this conversation has happened at least 5 times:

Coworker: Are you married/Do you have a boyfriend? (or makes a statement assuming I have one)
Me: No.
Coworker: WHAT? But you're so pretty! (The last few times I said it for them :P and they still had to reply reiterating that I'm an attractive individual)

True story: being attractive does not automatically mean you'll get hooked up with someone. Being unattractive does not mean you won't! :o Plus, I'd rather be with a guy who, say, appreciates my taste in music (and I his) rather than my pretty face, you know? XD

And in other news: if you're with a big bank, make sure a check clears before you go spending it (if it's possible, that is; I'm lucky here because I have no urgent expenses; YMMV). Sometimes banks will intentionally screw you over by putting your purchases before your deposits. This could have happened to me. I had $14 in my account, deposited $50, then spent $35. I spent that $35 while the $50 check deposit was still pending. My bank could have put that $35 worth of purchases before the $50 check deposit and I'd have been overdrawn and owed something like $120 (!) in overdraft fees. Thankfully my particular bank seems to put deposits before purchases, but still. Some banks don't because they want their precious profits. Ew.

Nastiest Blog Post Ever!

2009-06-13T11:56:00.002-04:00

I just saw a roach apparently trying to commit suicide with some of my hair from my hairbrush that must have fallen out of the garbage bag.

Have I officially scared everyone away now? :D

I Hate My Job...

2009-06-10T18:38:00.002-04:00

My official job that is. I don't like cashiering much at all. I should have known when my favorite days were the ones where I was doing lots of reorganizing shelves. I'm dead serious, I love doing that. And I'm damn good at it too. ;D But cashiering? Well, I see now that I am an introvert to the max and having to say hi and deal with people one right after the other is so wearying. Dealing with various items one right after the other, however, is very tolerable. I don't have to be sociable to a pair of shorts, you know? Processing/stocking/etc. is harder on my feet but easier on my head.

I'm trying to switch, but we're kind of short on cashiers. They will hire more though. I wish I'd known this about myself sooner, but meh.

I'm never applying for cashier again. And I probably should avoid customer service too. :P It's a lot like Trig homework. I can do it, but I'd really, really, rather not.

Ah well. Tomorrow I will ask if I can just stay on the floor and not be on a register.

Working It

2009-05-29T18:47:00.004-04:00

Yeah, this job is pretty much kicking my ass. Or rather, my feet. And the store hasn't opened yet and we're just in training. MY FEET HURT HOLY SHIT.

But I'm okay. No, really I am. I'm trying to decide if my blood sugar is actually at a suitable level or the fact that most people are nice is causing a rise in endorphin levels or something. Or maybe both? Plus with my last job I kind of worked on my own, but here I have coworkers I see every day. Which is nice. Hopefully I will continue to like my coworkers. Or at least be "meh" about them.

One thing is very dire, however. Well, I work with a lot of women, and these women, you know, have boobs. And I back up for whatever reason or try to turn around, and... good lord I've run into at least 10 boobs. This is distressing. Okay, I'm exaggerating here. One woman replied after I apologized for the inadvertent boob-bumping, "It's okay, I got another one." Ahaha. Nobody's run into mine though. But I'm not exactly the bustiest individual. Hmmm, this paragraph is awkward. But so is backing up and accidentally hitting someone in the boobs.

When we're not playing with the cash registers, the cahsiers help with displays and such too. Some of mine are kind of iffy, but I did my best. (Some displays are the creative eye-catching-make-the-customer-get-the-ooh-shinies type).

Posting will be light because dammit, I'm a full-time employee. That shit's hard. Even the 6-7 hour day. Hopefully they will get an official schedule for me soon. I have concerts I need to go to! Friends to spend quality time with! Hopefully said concerts and friend-quality-time will be mostly sitting. :P

Sold My Soul to the Devil

2009-05-24T00:43:00.000-04:00

And got a Twitter account. Guess my username? Did you guess augustlilly? Wow, how did you know? (I better not get into any e-drama or I am so screwed)

I will come up with better posts eventually. That sort of thing is kind of why I started up blog #563, you know? But watch me tweet! I promise not to post about me eating Cheetos. :P Oh, and I suppose I could do that Twitter widget thingy. Yes.

In other news, it just occurred to me that I completely and totally have the money to buy a domain and hosting. Hell I could buy a reseller if I really wanted to (I don't). I'll have to think about this. Do I like the name "Rockstar Nailbomb!" enough to domain name it, for instance? But watch for that! :D

What Happens When You Can't Type.

2009-05-22T13:46:00.001-04:00

http://margaretyay.blogpsot.com/

I don't think anything more needs to be said.

That "Cold" Was So Pathetic

2009-05-17T05:54:00.003-04:00

I wonder if it even was a cold. For about 2 days my throat had that "a cold is coming on" soreness. It never got worse. No other symptoms really got worse, either. And now I'm pretty much back to normal. If it was an actual cold, I hope they all end up like that from here on out. :P

Oh, I went to see Star Trek. 99% of the reviews of this movie were very positive, and this is so for a reason. Maybe I'll write a proper review next entry. Also, Spock was hot! I'm disappointed there was not a hot Spock sex scene. I don't care if it would not have added anything to the plot.

Good Grief

2009-05-14T16:08:00.004-04:00

I'm sick! I have no idea where it came from, but I realized that my throat was drier than usual. And my temperature is hovering around 100-101° F.

I don't feel completely horrible right now, but I suspect that's going to change in the next couple of days. Lovely.

My New Hobby

2009-05-13T19:10:00.011-04:00

Making friendship bracelets, also known as "fancy knot tying that turns 70 inches of thread into 5." Well, it's going to be my new hobby when I go out and buy generous amounts of vibrantly-colored thread.

Because I revel in unoriginality, I'm going to start off with patterns that others came up with. Here's 14 I intend to do and totally get right on the first try because I'm so talented (talent doesn't require originality, does it? :P):

Patterns from hbernb.atspace.com. So, like, am I actually giving any to my.... friends? Well, I have to actually have friends first! Ha. I'm kidding. I've got at least 7 people I can dump this stuff on. :P Oh, and I will totally show off my awesome, original, talented work when I am done. And you will love it. And I will be very not-bored for awhile.

Easily Amused

2009-05-12T14:36:00.003-04:00

My dad asked me to make cheese balls for dinner. Cheese balls. Giggle. Cheese balls. Tee hee. CHEESE BALLS! Hahahaha.

It sounds like it should be those silly cheetos puff things in ball shape. It turns out the cheese balls in question were these cheesy garlic rolls. But the phrase "cheese balls" just sounds really funny to me. I don't know why. I'm probably the only one. Cheese balls, cheese balls cheese balls! Lol. Okay, I'm done. No, I'm not. Cheese balls!

Good News/Bad News

2009-05-07T11:06:00.002-04:00

So they ran out of work for me at the first place I was working. So I was out of a job for a little bit.

Then there was a job fair I didn't find out about till less than 2 hours before it ended. And I got hired! As a cashier. THRILLING.

Unfortunately that does mean doing a lot of standing, which my body doesn't seem to like a lot. But I get insurance and such. And I'm not going to be spending months and months jobless and frustrated. That is so very nice!

And now I have to go do drug testing and junk. That's always fun.

Samantha Orobator

2009-05-05T18:43:00.007-04:00

I saw on Shakesville a post about Samantha Orobator, a British woman who has been arrested for alleged drug trafficking in Laos. CNN article here.

She was facing possible execution before she was even given proper trial for this crime. She has since gotten pregnant (while in prison...) and may not face execution because of that. Amidst all this, she may not even be guilty in the first place.

Some of the comments on the CNN article are absolutely vile: "You must respect the laws of the land/Why would she be in Laos?" and so on.

Okay:

She has not been proven guilty yet! Let me repeat that. She has not been proven guilty yet. SHE HAS NOT BEEN PROVEN GUILTY YET! And she STILL was facing possible execution! Without being proven guilty in a court of law.
Even if she was guilty, what she has suffered is absolutely inexcusable. She has not been given a fair trial, and she was very likely raped while in prison. Drug trafficking is obviously a bad thing, but does she deserve that? Does she?
"But that's the culture in Laos." And you just accept that? Seriously? If it is that way, don't you think maybe there should be pressure on Laos to, you know, not execute people without proving guilt? Or hell, executing people for a drug crime?

How the hell can people be so insensitive to the suffering of others? And people just assume she's guilty. Gah. Anyway, I just wanted to spread the word of this story. My heart goes out to her, and I hope sincerely she'll get out of this okay.

Detailing My Food Issues

2009-05-03T14:27:00.004-04:00

Food sometimes becomes my enemy. This is extra nasty because I'm one of the lucky few girls in this country that actually was able to enjoy food without diet hangups foisted onto me by stupid people. It goes like this:

I'm hungry. No, starving. Or at least it seems that way. My stomach is growling, I'm tired and cranky. This is apparently signaling low blood sugar. Usually food helps assuage my ill feelings at least a little.

However, NOTHING, absolutely fucking NOTHING looks good to eat. And by "nothing looks good to eat" I mean, "The thought of eating said food makes me feel a bit nauseous." Oh, and everything in the house requires lots of cooking.

So I just eat whatever food is most convenient and least nausea-inducing. However, said food is usually not nearly enough to fill me up, even if I eat huge amounts of it. Anything with meat helps because that stuff just sits in your stomach = full = none or less annoying gnawing feeling.

My appetite in general can rather screwy. Sometimes I feel like I eat and eat and eat and I'm still not satisfied. Other times I eat very little and instantly feel bloated/uncomfortably full.

However, I do sometimes crave chicken wraps. Or a chicken sub. But I have to go out and drive a long distance to get either one (cheaply, anyhow). Or to buy ingredients to make my own. And eating either makes me have that fullness tired feeling. So it's either feeling tired and hungry and nauseous or just tired. Yay. But this is the only food I've ever actually craved recently.

I'd see a doctor if my current one wasn't a pill-pusher (and generally doesn't listen to me) and I knew how to look for a new one. But as it is, I have no clue. NONE. And it'd be nice to have an idea of what this could be. And maybe it ties in with my vitamin issues too. Ergh. This sucks. Like, 60000000000 horsepower vacuum cleaner suckage.

Public Service Announcement

2009-04-27T16:01:00.003-04:00

So, have y'all heard about some people in places like Texas and South Carolina who are talking about seceding? At the moment, it seems most of 'em aren't too serious, and the likelihood of actual action is low.

However, please, to those of you who've been doing it, joking about secession isn't funny. "Let them leave" is not an okay or witty thing to say. There's not a magical limit to the number of civil wars a country can have. Our nation is not so strong and mighty that we are completely immune to the 1860s repeating themselves somehow.

Basically, it could happen and it's not at all funny when it does. I realize this might sound paranoid, but secession is serious business. That is all. Thank you.

Believable Adult?

2009-04-26T10:57:00.003-04:00

I've always seemed to look youngish for my age, especially when I turned 17 and 18. Not crazily younger, but a few years.

"Have you just started high school?" When it was my junior year.
Shortly after I graduated, someone thought I was playing hookie when I walked outside on a weekday.
One person at an interview I went to said, "Aren't you a little young to be working?"

But lately I've been finding this isn't the case as much. I don't think my face has changed that much, or my body, or anything else. But then, I see myself every day.

I've been offered lottery tickets when I went to a gas station.
At my job one woman assumed that when I said I recently graduated I meant college.
At the library my friend was talking to the librarian, who interrupted her because "There's a lady in line behind you." I looked behind me before it occurred to me that the librarian was talking about me!

I don't know. I'm sure I'd get carded if I wanted to buy lotto tickets or what have you, but there wouldn't be any suspicion that I was using a fake ID it seems. It's just odd, I guess. Do people think I'm an adult and not a pesky (mid) teenager anymore? The world may never know.

Looking at the Bright Side

2009-04-22T17:06:00.005-04:00

I absolutely reserve the right to complain when things suck, but perspective isn't a bad thing. Life still sucks at the moment, but I'm handling the suckage better than I was (it probably helps that my period is over.......). So, things that are going well:

I don't have rent or have to pay insurance, etc.
I can work less when my body decides to start hurling obscenities at me. (Choose my own hours, plus the lack of "you either work or you starve")
I've gotten a bunch of CDs! I love music in case you haven't noticed. :P I'll probably not have many opportunities to buy so many at once like this in the near future.
This horrible clusterfuck of an economy has not hit my family as hard as it has other people (both parents have job security, home security, etc.). Though their retirement is looking pretty shitty. By then, maybe I'll have a good job (career? :D) and can help out if need be.
My parents have issues, but I know they truly love me and care about me.

I type this while I'm dealing with the headache of doom (it might be a "mild" migraine). But meh.

Song of the Moment

2009-04-13T16:33:00.002-04:00

Because I don't want that last post to be on the top.

VNV Nation - Structure

Structure is something I'd quite like right now. Regardless, this is a really great song. It's very much an indicator of the upcoming robot apocalypse.

Sigh

2009-04-13T13:06:00.002-04:00

Neither parent really understands how stressed out I am right now. Sometimes I think their complete lack of support in ANYTHING hurts far more than anything I could ever be going through. I feel just horrible right now.

Rockstar Nailbomb!

Neglection

It's The End of the World as We Know it (and my brain is almost fried)

I'm In

Occupy Wall Street

Really, Dad??? Revisited

PON PON WAY WAY WAY

Organizing My Music

On Banishing the Bread for the Right ("Right") Reasons

Politcal Correctness Wins Again!

THE WORST MUSIC IN THE WHOLE WORLD

On Cooking

Religion and Peer Pressure

This Thing Needs a Redesign. Badly.

Really, Dad??

Public Service Announcement

Foooooood

Another Late Post

Self-Pity

More "Political Correctness" Gains

I Forgot to Share This Interaction With Y'all!

Song of the Moment

Keep On Keepin' On

I'm Making My Own Christmas Tree!

Looking up

Happy Thanksgiving!

I May Say More About This Later.

Song of the Moment (with a little PSA)

Fascinating

I Complain About My Parents....

Gluten Free!

Ugh.

Epic Stupid

This May Sound Odd

More About my Health

Margaret's Guide to Food Theft Prevention!

Thoughtcrime

I Don't Want to Talk About it

Songs of the Moment (DOUBLE FEATURE!)

Musical Nostalgia #3

Stupid Questions, Stupid Answers

Bullshit of the Day

21!

Scratch that. My mom IS ridiculous.

My dad is ridiculous.

Stupid Questions, Stupid Answers

Fuck the Letter Writing.

Ma'am:

Day 2: To My Crush

Day 1: To My Best Friends

In an Effort to Blog More....

I Love it (Not)

Song of the Moment

Pants Are Pants!

Dear Agressive Assholes on the Road

Smiley Woman

I'm Working on it

On a More Positive Note

Other Countries Got Their Healthcare Situation Right

Boo Hoo

That Voice

Stupid Questions, Stupid Answers

Song of the Moment

A Song for Every Occasion!

International Women's Day

When All Else Fails, Talk About the Weather

On Fashion Choices

The Epic Tale of How I Became an Atheist

On Christmas Music

The songs I Hate

Songs I *gasp* Like (or, at least, don't mind)!

Terms I Hate: Obnoxious Punny Crap Portmanteau Edition

Political Correctness Wins*

Our Healthcare System, Ladies and Gentlemen

Site Issues

Dancin' with Myself (at a show)

Our Healthcare System

Margaret Needs Confidence!

Whippersnapper

Filed Under "Wrong as Hell"

Songs I gasp Like (or, at least, don't mind)!